tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-91809604548976022612024-02-21T10:17:25.025-08:00Poison&Wine'The role of a writer is not to say what we all can say, but what we are unable to say'. - Anais Nin.
These words (unless otherwise stated) are all formed within my brain and somehow executed to form this journal.Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.comBlogger121125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-26290179467954461842018-11-29T04:26:00.000-08:002018-11-29T04:26:21.313-08:00life, or something like it<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
My heart is saying no, I can't handle another cut,<br />
My mind and body are screaming yes...<br />
The inner turmoil is ruining me, I want to stay, yet I want to run<br />
Deep down, I know I should run, as fast as I can, out of here, <br />
Everything I don't need is staring right at me,<br />
Yet, it's everything I have ever wanted, <br />
It's healing and wounding all wrapped up in one<br />
<br />
Should I choose to stay, I will surrender everything I have worked so hard to achieve,<br />
But in return I will gain everything I have ever desired,..a counterfeit version of it<br />
A part of me wants to give up, give in, be sucked into this dangerous world again, a world where I can just be me, where I don't have to worry about my past, or my present or even my future<br />
Where everyday is an adrenalin ride..and nothing matters<br />
because in his world, nothing is real<br />
maybe that's what i need, a world where I KNOW nothing is real as opposed to one where i am constantly trying to prove how REAL everything is<br />
and constantly being proven wrong by those around me<br />
<br />
Yet another part of me, is saying, you're almost at the end, keep going, you can't come back here<br />
You're too independent, too strong, you've come too far, you've fought to hard, to just give up and go back there,<br />
This isn't the future God had planned for you<br />
But isn't it?<br />
Why am I so tempted by it?<br />
My insides are in turmoil<br />
What if? That what if question plagues me again and suddenly, i am 15 again<br />
I am faced with the same decision i was then, then I chose to stay and it almost ruined me<br />
But it's safe and familiar and almost like home<br />
This here, holds so much more power than the past, there's more to lose,<br />
but so much more to gain...<br />
This time, Will I stay or will I go..<br />
i get up and walk to the door, God, please help me - I whisper - I don't have the strength to resist<br />
The blood rushes through my body, I want to slap myself, why am i even contemplating this....this dungeon of hell<br />
suddenly I feel like a hypocrite, Everything i have ever sworn I'd never do again...I am contemplating doing just that.....<br />
I hold out my hand, i see the key, I close my hand and hold it close to my chest,<br />
my destiny.....<br />
<br /></div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-5310063017597632772018-05-26T05:25:00.000-07:002018-05-26T05:25:49.203-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
It's well past 8pm and I am looking for a bottle shop. Dressed in floral Peter Alexander Pyjmaa bottoms, a blue jumper which still has the tag attached to it, I cannot be bothered tearing it off right now, and yesterday's make up. I am tired. I am sure I haven't eaten in a few days. Well, that's a blatant lie. I have eaten. I have had mouthfulls of food from the fridge throughout the last few days, that's been whenever I've stopped crying long enough and my mouth has been free enough to chew something down.<br />
<br />
Where am i? How did i get here? I had plans this year. Plans of going to New York. Plans of working for a production house in the united states.....and alternative plans to go to university part time in Sydney where i had an apartment overlooking the city skyline in leafy Woollahra. I have a good job, well somedays i love it and am so grateful for it, other days I want to run away and work in a library where I don't get to hear or speak to anyone, because I am an introvert. Well...again, some days i am, some days I am not. I also had a very full on social life and spent most nights in bars, at lavish parties and never was there a night that I wasn't doing something. And, now here I am .... at 8pm....looking for a bottleshop in the deserted empty streets of a small little country town.<br />
<br />
again, how did i end up here?<br />
<br />
Never in a million years did I ever think I would myself back in this town. Here. The place I once called home. I am twenty something....ok, maybe I just left my twenties a year ago, but still....thirty is just a scary number. And, I prefer to say twenty.and maybe even stay in my twenties. And, I am single. And, living back at home. With my dad. Who has cancer.<br />
There. I said. It. that horrible six letter word that i wish didnt exit. Maybe if i don't say it, it will mean it's not true and he doesn't have it and it's all just a made up world and this all just a nightmare. And, I can leave and go back to my lavish life, knowing when I come back here on the weekends, he will still be here, happy and healthy.<br />
<br />
Why am I writing about all of this? I like to write. I also like to process things through the written word, and because this is going to be quite a journey and maybe reality is sometimes stranger and more interesting than fiction. I am writing to keep track of my life as it unfolds over the next few months, years.....hopefully years, i would like a few more years with my father. Considering i have only had a good relationship with him for the last five years. (another post, another time)<br />
<br />
Follow me on this journey. As I delve into the past. Press towards the future, be pushed, pulled and confronted with things i never even knew existed. Welcome to my life.<br />
I may even find things about myself I never knew existed. I may even grow to like this little town - although I doubt that very much. Maybe I will learn things about myself on this journey and maybe i can help someone else along the way, because what is life is we don't serve a purpose of helping others.<br />
<br />
I was walking along the streets the other day, after rmy manager pulled me into a meeting to ask 'why I have had so many absences of late?" I am not sure what part of the only man in my world is ill and i am trying to adjust to living with other people as well as commenting two hours to work everyday along side dealing with this sickness...and yet, you ask why I have been late? I can't deal with this. I stormed out. What was going on? My head was spinning and I couldn't speak. All I could do was sob uncontrollably. I suddenly felt like the entire office had turned against me. The one friend i had there, suddenly wanted nothing to do with me, my boss who had three months ago sung praises about how good i was at my job was now questioning why I had so many 'explained' absences all whilst the rest of my team conspired behind my back and towards my downfall.<br />
<br />
tears streaming down my face, i walked and walked and walked. I couldn't go back in there, not just yet. I need to gain some clarity. I just wanted to board a plane and runaway from this. All of this. Everything. I wanted to not be adjusting to a new life in the countryside, I wanted my old life back. I wanted my dad to no longer be sick. Just last week I had been flying through life, enjoying lattes, books and nights out but yet I wasn't content and needed something to change. I guess I got my change alright.<br />
<br />
I noticed ahomeless person talking to nonone in particular and it was then that it hit me. I needed to get my head right. My shit together. I risked losing the little that i had left of my life if I didn't sort myself out asap. As I walked along the path, I imagined that these people who are strung out on drugs and homeless, some were born into this world homeless, others ...they weren't. At one time or another perhaps they too had plans and hopes of a future. Perhaps they too wanted to make something of their lives. But then life got a hold of them, as they stood there trying to walk towards their goals, the enemy came in and targeted them with arrow after arrow after arrow until they knocked them flat on their skull and they cracked something, they cracked it so hard, they never got back up again. That is what i risked happening to me if i didn't desensitise myself and just get on with this season. I needed to become numb to get through these next few months of uncertainty and try and make the very best of this situation I was now being faced with. In whichever which way i knew how.<br />
<br /></div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-91189991438864130552015-07-18T16:36:00.000-07:002015-07-18T16:36:31.984-07:00The Darkest Fairytale<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<br />
<br />
I don't know if I could ever love anyone<br />
but I like you enough, that I would like to try<br />
I'm not safe, Im unpredictable and irrational<br />
And often turbulent'<br />
I am a risk - not a safe bet - A gamble<br />
I am terrified of my own hearts of it constant need for whatever it wants<br />
I tend to run from whatever it is that makes me feeling like I'm risking it all,<br />
but I am prepared to try and stay<br />
<br />
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-54678127808040200892015-07-09T04:50:00.003-07:002015-07-11T03:53:12.483-07:00I could be <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
You better hurry up because<br />
I'm about to fall in love<br />
with someone else<br />
Love can't be orchestrated - I know that all too well<br />
God, I wish it could<br />
I would pick the perfect human<br />
But it can't<br />
You have my heart wholely<br />
You're occupying you're own space<br />
Rent free<br />
But if you don't act soon<br />
This new one<br />
He's got more potential<br />
Than. ....Anyone I've known - ....<br />
since you<br />
And he's getting a free shot at my heart tomorrow<br />
If you don't act fast<br />
And that arrow hits the target<br />
It's his<br />
I'll<br />
Fall and we both know when I fall<br />
It's hard to get up<br />
So here's your chance<br />
You had me first<br />
Sweep me up and say I'm forever yours<br />
Or this may be your last chance<br />
Unknown I haven't been clear about it all<br />
But I'm<br />
Yours<br />
Take me<br />
Now or<br />
Give me<br />
Up<br />
I can't live in between<br />
<br /></div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-72559110438908992432015-07-07T18:46:00.001-07:002015-07-07T18:46:25.729-07:00Love is not enough <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">Whoever said' love is all you ever need - love alone is enough' I think They lied. Love alone is never enough. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">It wasn't enough to restore the betrayal - he betrayed me and no amount of love can erase the betrayal. Call it what you may, but love wasn't enough to stop betrayal and love for me wasn't enough to stay. - Self respect was worth more than the love I had for him. The love alone simply wasn't enough. </pre>
<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">Going on like this, constantly questioning why his morals didn't line up with mine, why I wasn't enough he had to look elsewhere. Even if he said it had stopped, and I loved him so much..... I didn't feel safe. And there's enough uncertainty in this world - your partner shouldn't be that also.live wasn't enough. Love was all we had left when everything else fell apart. But it wasn't enough. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">And then there was him, His love for his inheritance was greater than his love for me- those things made him who he was... Love added joy but it didn't change the reality he 'enjoyed' expensive toys and lots of them. Why would I (me, who finds the greatest joy walking around barefoot and wearing flowers in my hair, who prefers bicycles to porsches, bare feet to louboutins, a warehouse to a glass mansion) why would i fall for someone who treasured these things? </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">Believe me I've asked myself this question since the second I realized I loved him, more than loved him, was head over bare feet in love with him, and was even prepared to 'think' about sacrificing everything i had for this love- I asked myself why? I don't know, all I know was I loved him, And i believe he loved me but it also wasn't enough. Not for him to trade in all his toys. And not for i. I couldn't sacrifice my core beliefs and values - not even in the name of love. Even if he had sacrificed all his expensive toys - It wasn't a fair trade. Again LOVE alone - wasn't enough. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">She loved him more than life itself, she said her vows and he said his,I'll support and encourage you till I die, but when times got tough he crumbled under the pressure and she got no support, love or encouragement - she too crumbled. But they were in love, they still are, but it's not enough to keep them together because life isn't just sitting in bed reading books and singing sweet lullabies to one another - there's children and families and hobbies and friends and jobs to factor in... And once you add all this to love, it makes it messy and complicated and stressful and the love you initially had fades into the background as you disagree on schools, friends, and values and beliefs.. Love alone never is never enough. The dizziness eventually fades, the butterflies, they disappear and love, if it's not rooted on core values that align, common interests and the ability to accept someone as they are -<b>not part of them, BUT all of them and not hope to change them,</b> that too eventually fades out and you're left knowing and wondering why love itself wasn't enough! Even bitter and cold and angry at love when all along it wasn't him or you or the lack of love, it simply was that it wasn't enough alone....that four letter word, LOVE, it just wasn't enough.</pre>
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-8196958240717274072015-03-28T22:42:00.000-07:002015-03-28T22:42:02.357-07:00Lights flickering<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
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<br />
I thought better than staying home tonight and feeling sorry for myself and my little heart. So instead I decided to take a chance on life and go to a deep house music party with a lovely kid called Max.<br />
<br />
He was a boy I had just met at a birthday hours earlier. A boy who had bought two tickets for this gig, in the hope that he may find someone o go with him when the time and day came.<br />
<br />
Max is a beautiful boy. Sparkling blue eyes and long healthy hair like Mick Jagger had in the 60's. He wore hyper coloured bright pants, and awkwardly told me, I was gorgeous. Several times. Despite me being bloated feeling really gross in my current low state of mind.<br />
<br />
He is sweet and incredibly intelligent, he owns an old school nokia phone with the snake game on it....One of those flip phones, no social media, no selfless, no scrolling to distract you from the moment in front of you. He is genuine, and also recommended several books I should read, all written by incredible authors in the 60's.<br />
<br />
We danced, we talked, we sipped on vodka lime and sodas. Several times throughout the night, I thought about how wonderful he was but how he was not you, and you and I, we have this ridiculously amazing connection, it's rather special and not much can compare to that. But by the end of the night, I had kind of grew to like max. And, how genuine he was. he had nowhere to go, no one else to see, just happy to be here with me, present in the moment. Girls kept trying to hit on him, because he's a total babe, but he'd innocently look over and point to me as to say - My attention is taken tonight.<br />
<br />
When I was tired, he reached out his hand, and walked me to the car stand. He paid the driver to take me home, we smiled and exchanged a hug along with our numbers. I waved goodbye as I drove off for home.....I thought I think i'll see him again, he's rather lovely.<br />
<br />
He's still not you, but I guess that will take time....<br />
<br /></div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-59286144644721704542014-12-14T04:20:00.002-08:002014-12-14T04:20:33.455-08:00words<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
The last few months have been very challenging….I have abandoned my words…my mind and the outside world…it is time I start writing again….bear with me dear ones…I shall return.</div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-79662773853806635342014-10-18T20:02:00.002-07:002014-10-18T20:05:42.620-07:00Ghost of the past<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<pre style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Segoe UI', 'Segoe UI Web Regular', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Helvetica Neue', 'BBAlpha Sans', 'S60 Sans', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.2999992370605px; white-space: normal;">I saw your ghost again last night. It was standing there, shining like a bright light in the dark sea of people in a dimly lit room, there you were. Smiling, talking,laughing like it was 1965 again. </pre>
<pre style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Segoe UI', 'Segoe UI Web Regular', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Helvetica Neue', 'BBAlpha Sans', 'S60 Sans', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.2999992370605px; white-space: normal;"></pre>
<pre style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Segoe UI', 'Segoe UI Web Regular', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Helvetica Neue', 'BBAlpha Sans', 'S60 Sans', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.2999992370605px; white-space: normal;">This time though, it was different from the last, i didn't want to runaway as fast as my fragile and worn little feet could take me. This time, I wanted to stay. To reach out to you, hold your hand, and transport myself to a time when I was able to be in the same room as you. unashamed. unafraid. </pre>
<pre style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Segoe UI', 'Segoe UI Web Regular', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Helvetica Neue', 'BBAlpha Sans', 'S60 Sans', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.2999992370605px; white-space: normal;"><span style="line-height: 21.2999992370605px;">
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<pre style="background-color: white; color: #444444; font-family: 'Segoe UI', 'Segoe UI Web Regular', 'Segoe UI Symbol', 'Helvetica Neue', 'BBAlpha Sans', 'S60 Sans', Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21.2999992370605px; white-space: normal;"><span style="line-height: 21.2999992370605px;">I wanted to transport myself to an era when you existed, when my life was.... Simple. Maybe it was the familiar face of yours amidst a room full of strangers, the loud music, the smoke, it was all too much, maybe I was seeking comfort. Seeking someone that understood me, someone that I didn't have to make small talk with about my job, my love life, the weather, the industry, who I knew. I just wanted to talk about ......About ..... Life. But, the words - I'm a model,
An ack-tor, I'm an act-ress were penetrating the smoke filled air and cutting through the music. Everyone stressing their self importance, who they were, who they knew. I just wanted to escape. To runaway to a time when none of that mattered. When people were just.... People. Young and free....and your face represented a time of freedom. A time when nothing mattered but love and music. Everyone was equal. Love was real. I stared at your ghost for a long time last night. But the more I looked, the more I realized, life has changed, the years have gone, it won't ever be that time again. It is now a time long gone and holding into the past - hoping to conform the future to it..... It won't happen. It's gone. I need to open my heart and let it go. I need to move on. </span></pre>
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-92038159356388655332014-05-23T19:39:00.000-07:002014-05-23T19:43:10.458-07:00Inspired by Y.o.U<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyVJoe4Qhu2wunashQXq57Y_JQkqMHV-nOuG19T4S5_ga0mNH5pae8lnCB3CmrrnMbwaeFVsxz9TSqkssEULA2Pn2TcPmiGQPEvIiha8ltKhV9SKhHY1Zj-btUs2ORo7DGJLISOJn1Efip/s1600/4171.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjyVJoe4Qhu2wunashQXq57Y_JQkqMHV-nOuG19T4S5_ga0mNH5pae8lnCB3CmrrnMbwaeFVsxz9TSqkssEULA2Pn2TcPmiGQPEvIiha8ltKhV9SKhHY1Zj-btUs2ORo7DGJLISOJn1Efip/s1600/4171.jpg" /></a></div>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: left; white-space: normal;">It's sad that some people will never ever get to experience the true privilege of having their heart broken. They'll never know what it feels like to be truly alive in unity with another. </pre>
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</pre>
<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: left; white-space: normal;"> Heres why, they took the safe road. They settled for someone they knew could never break their heart.... Someone who was incapable of such things because they could never own their heart to start with. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: left; white-space: normal;">They knew no matter how hard they tried, or how much money was thrown their way - love can't be bought or forged - it's real and like living and dying it doesn't let you chose who and where and especially when. but if you go against the gravity of life and allow yourself to choose - instead of letting the magical unseen force that makes unchartered worlds collide and hearts tremble choose for you - it means you chose safety. You chose comfortable. And comfortable however safe is boring. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"> I want to live in a world where you hold my heart in your hands. My life depends on it - and if you dropped it, I'd never be the same again. That's passion. That's fire. That's all encompassing, fiery, raging, risky love. Because really, nothing is certain in this world, not even life, it can be taken in an instance and that's the beauty of living.... It's like Russian roulette. Ever changing, uncertain, one moment you're winning the next you're taking your last breath and exiting. Why chose to die before your wheel has stopped spinning?
Live as much as you can - while you can - feeling like everything is always at risk and everything including your heart can be shattered in an instant. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: center; white-space: normal;">If its loss doesn't break you, break it and walk away into the terrifying unchartered rough waters. And let your heart beat wildly in the dangers of the unfamiliar. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"> Are you brave enough? </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"> Ps. I'd let you break my heart all over again...... </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; text-align: center; white-space: normal;"> A broken heart still feels</pre>
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-57525072809750105862014-04-21T05:54:00.003-07:002014-04-21T05:54:42.409-07:00Survival by Disassociation<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif396Hbi3iAq8nOeCtAoYG2DVPIbAV9HSyRQaNOqVrGLai_3x8mqWfrrT0pP6DiBm6v-C_glJRTbIXvFh3TXEt3bB5-sbukB1275Yic_i_4AsEKYEnRP84-enFa6RuLgR-NVEfXrow6KWn/s1600/1365120965_124.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEif396Hbi3iAq8nOeCtAoYG2DVPIbAV9HSyRQaNOqVrGLai_3x8mqWfrrT0pP6DiBm6v-C_glJRTbIXvFh3TXEt3bB5-sbukB1275Yic_i_4AsEKYEnRP84-enFa6RuLgR-NVEfXrow6KWn/s1600/1365120965_124.jpg" height="520" width="640" /></a></div>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #252525; font-family: sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 22px;"><b>"Emotional detachment in the first sense above often arises from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_trauma" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #0645ad; text-decoration: none;" title="Psychological trauma">psychological trauma</a> and is a component in many <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anxiety_disorder" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #0645ad; text-decoration: none;" title="Anxiety disorder">anxiety</a>and <a class="mw-redirect" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stress_(medicine)" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: initial; background-image: none; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; color: #0645ad; text-decoration: none;" title="Stress (medicine)">stress</a> disorders. The person, while physically present, moves elsewhere in the mind, and in a sense is "not entirely present", making them sometimes appear preoccupied or distracted. "</b></span><br />
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As I am thrown into the tsunami of my life, i have lost my will to write. I have lost my will process emotions for i have subconsciously blocked every emotion in my body and mind in order to survive this season and come out alive. I wonder why I do that? Shut down entirely. I am my own zoloft. I put a lid on happiness, sadness, fear, anger, and anything in between. I just want to be able to feel again, but strength is winning, and in that i am finding it difficult to write about anything Not humorous, not painful not even joyful. Out of everything I am missing about myself, i miss my relationship with words the most.</div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-55820359843866871622014-04-07T04:05:00.001-07:002014-04-07T04:05:13.931-07:00You only regret the chances you didn't take<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTN5GpYRsuJkk8BUF02I6G01DzZ945FM9onq58tnIEVSnjF21xor6GPzeu6A_jBRgtRHMahLCbsRoNcpAUSlg-eZzYG-eP036ClBxZTJ5hOQJQPD_kzpopxtexqa0BY5LW0JbZrk_blgPy/s1600/tumblr_m06itxKf3E1qgz13zo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTN5GpYRsuJkk8BUF02I6G01DzZ945FM9onq58tnIEVSnjF21xor6GPzeu6A_jBRgtRHMahLCbsRoNcpAUSlg-eZzYG-eP036ClBxZTJ5hOQJQPD_kzpopxtexqa0BY5LW0JbZrk_blgPy/s1600/tumblr_m06itxKf3E1qgz13zo1_500.jpg" height="640" width="472" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: monospace; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">You stood in the doorway, your hands by your side 'don't leave' you said</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"></span><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #444444; font-family: Calibri, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">Please stay...</pre>
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But she was afraid, afraid of hat staying meant, but I was afraid... Afraid of you, of me, of the situation how it reminded me so much of the last... Afraid that staying means opening up - possibly hurting myself again... So I ran, I ran as fast and far away as I possibly could, a place where I could collect my thoughts and maybe come back one day, with an empty head, an empty heart and a clean memory.... but, time... It doesn't wait for you and sometimes, just sometimes .... It's a little too late.
Goodbye my friend. I wish I would have stayed. </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 21px; white-space: normal;">We only regret the chances, we didn't take.</pre>
</span>Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-9504154005420561192014-04-06T16:55:00.002-07:002014-04-06T16:55:44.030-07:00Runaway with me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I want to escape with the stranger I met on the street last week. I want to enter their world for a whole day, a whole night, even a whole week. <br /> I want to sit behind my lense and capture them in their environment. <br /> I want to know what it is like to live in someone else's universe for a day.<br /><br /> I want to sit on their rooftops, talking about life, our dreams our fears, our past and most importantly, the here and now, this very moment.<br /> I want to lay on the mountaintops and be enveloped by the night, surrounded by nothing more than the stars and the light of the moon.Wine stained lips, messy hair wrapped in a band of flowers, secrets leaving my lips. I want to walk along the sand at the break of dawn, welcoming the day. I want to whisper sweet lullaby's to the Lord in the heavens above. <br /> I want to pray for a better tomorrow.<br /> I want to want to love today.<br /><br /> I want to take pretty pictures of love, of sun and clouds and flowers and empty fields. I want to runaway with you. Away from this, from here, from the past, from the present, from everything I have ever known. From every secret I have ever had to hide. I want to be free again. </div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-86437922921806481662013-09-14T01:12:00.001-07:002013-09-14T01:12:50.218-07:00Ani DiFranco - Untouchable Face<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/rc4eYOhNnU8" width="459"></iframe><br />
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 13px;"><b style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">"Untouchable Face"</b><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /></span><br />
<div style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;">think i'm going for a walk now<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />i feel a little unsteady<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />i don't want nobody to follow me<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />'cept maybe you<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />i could make you happy you know<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />if you weren't already<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />i could do a lot of things<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and i do<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />tell you the truth i prefer<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />the worst of you<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />too bad you had to have a better half<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />she's not really my type<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />but i think you two are forever<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and i hate to say it but<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />you're perfect together<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />so fuck you<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and your untouchable face<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and fuck you<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />for existing in the first place<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and who am i<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />that i should be vying for your touch<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and who am i<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />i bet you can't even tell me that much<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />two-thirty in the morning<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and my gas tank will be empty soon<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />neon sign on the horizon<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />rubbing elbows with the moon<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />a safe haven of sleepless<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />where the deep fryer's always on<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />radio is counting down<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />the top 20 country songs<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and out on the porch the fly strip is<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />waving like a flag in the wind<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />y'know, i don't look forward<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />to seeing you again soon<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />you'll look like a photograph of yourself<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />taken from far far away<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and i won't know what to do<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and i won't know what to say<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />except fuck you...<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />i see you and i'm so perplexed<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />what was i thinking<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />what will i think of next<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />where can i hide<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />in the back room there's a lamp<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />that hangs over the pool table<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />and when the fan is on it swings<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />gently side to side<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />there's a changing constellation<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />of balls as we are playing<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />i see orion and say nothing<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />the only thing i can think of saying<br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" /><br style="border-bottom-style: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-left-style: none; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-style: none; border-right-width: 0px; border-top-style: none; border-top-width: 0px; font-family: Verdana, Arial; font-size: 1em; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" />is fuck you...</div><div><br />
</div><div>Sometimes a song speaks to us, others it says exactly what we want to. This is a combination of both.</div>Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-31211543237866319792013-09-08T06:43:00.001-07:002013-09-09T23:00:10.251-07:00The Summer of 99 - We were here!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oHA0FaUHOX8xhSv7BboPHlEcVumye-eok_9VlyhcWbKs6unyldhoCe5F_OopdFbDnB6oPmtifrwkdT873KnXaiIDU6tptRIXZf6VD5dlEs-S1D7W6uPEls43aWseBOkCYPasdjgHepg4/s1600/black-and-white-couple-friends-hair-Favim.com-895261.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh9oHA0FaUHOX8xhSv7BboPHlEcVumye-eok_9VlyhcWbKs6unyldhoCe5F_OopdFbDnB6oPmtifrwkdT873KnXaiIDU6tptRIXZf6VD5dlEs-S1D7W6uPEls43aWseBOkCYPasdjgHepg4/s640/black-and-white-couple-friends-hair-Favim.com-895261.jpg" width="424" /></a></div>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Once upon a time, on a beautiful summers day, we were all sitting in our alleyway, as we took out our permanent markers and wrote our names </span>'Suzi, Kate, Mel and Tamar were here - The summer of '99' </h4>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">On that beautiful summers day in 1999, as we put the pen away, we promised ourselves that as the years went by, and times got hard, we could come back here, find that place on the 10m long fence where each one of us had ever so joyously inscribed our initials and instantly be reminded of that beautiful, happy, blissful summers day, as 14 years olds when we had all found each other and amidst heartache and trouble, a strong unbreakable bond had formed between us that nothing could come between and that no matter what happened in the outside world, that we all had each other and with each other we could survive anything. '</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><i>We will come back here later in life when we've all graduated and we will look at our names and be reminded of all the happy times we shared as young kids. The memories, they will make us smile on those days when we find it hard within us to smile. We will think of all the crazy things we did and laugh, and we will treasure the time each one of us had in the company of each other.</i></span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> Today, I needed to smile, to laugh, to feel alive, more than ever.</span></h4>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">It feels like a lifetime away today, yet it feels like yesterday. My heart is trying to hold still and together as I take a trip down this wonderful memory lane, the lane that saw and felt the highs and lows of our teenage years. This was known as our alley. All four of us met here at 7-a.m. sharp every morning of every weekday for six whole years, from here we'd all walk to school together. If one of us failed to show up, we would walk/run/walk to that girls house, even if it meant being late for school, just to make sure she was ok.</span></h4>
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<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">I came back here today, to look for my name, to remember that time in my life, that time when everything was great and perfect and wonderful as it should've been, as it was not right now. As it hadn't been for quite sometime now. I park my car and begin my descent down the alley way.</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"> </span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">I can hear the birds chirping, the sun is out, it's just like that summer's day so long ago. There's a stillness in the air. There's no cars around, not a soul, just a fly that buzzes right past me. I walk down the narrow slope of the alley way, I can hear the leaves crunching under my feet, just like I could all those years ago it's as if nothing has changed. Yet, everything is different now. I am here, alone. Without my girls.</span></h4>
<h4>
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<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">The trees still look and feel the same. Providing shade, filling parts of the sky with beautiful shades of green. The wooden pillars are standing as dividers in the centre of the alley. I remember when we would race each other down to the pillar, our school bags tossed to the side, along with our cares. The air still smells of eucalyptus and pine trees. The gravelled floor is still concealed with brown leaves. They are still falling on the ground, just as they had all those 15 years ago. With each step I take I run my index finger along the ridged brown aluminum fence, feeling each bump, it's a bit like life. Lumps and bumps. I am looking for my name, for something, a sign that will tell me I was actually here all those years ago, that this too isn't a dream. Another thing my imagination has created to escape reality. I am looking for something, anything that would take me back to that time in my life, when I wasn't alone, when for the first time I had found happiness. Friendship. </span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><i><br /></i></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><i>In this alley, we survived so much. We got through the death of a my best friends dad, the loss of our best friend, family drug and alcohol addictions, divorces and losses of first love. This alley was our combined hope. Alone we were nothing. Alone we were destined to crumble but together, collectively we were not only survivors but we had the most extraordinary time of our lives. Many a days we would laugh as we got high on weed, others we rolled down this hill, drunk on vodka we had bought with stolen charity money - (which we later repented for). But no matter, how hard the times, we we were an army of support for one another and in this alley, with this love and never ending loyalty we made it through the toughest days of our lives.</i></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">I stop half way down the hill. The silence is as it was fifteen years ago, Except i can't hear my friends voices. I can't feel the dreams in my heart. I can barely even hear my own heart beating these days. What happened to me? What happened to that young girl who had all these dreams ahead of her? Where are my friends? I can't see my name. Others have come and gone since, they have taken to this fence with spray cans. Our names, gone, like we were never here. Like this too has been taken from us. </span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">As I begin my walk out, a young man is coming out of the house next door. We exchange faint smiles, he doesn't look like i remember the owner of that house to look. It use to be owned by an old ageing couple. Maybe he is their son. Maybe they too are gone, like they never were here.</span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">'are you alright?' he calls out as I turn my back to him and keep walking up the hill, heading towards my car. He knows something is not right, he knows </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">I look out of place here, I am wearing leather leggings a neatly pressed white collared shirt and a LV Bag. I turn around, fake a smile and nod. My eyes filled with tears that i am struggling to contain..I wonder why he thinks I am here.</span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">Are you looking for something ? he asks.</span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></span></h4>
<h4>
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;"><i>Yes. For me. 15 year old me. For something, that reminds me of the past. The past I left behind. I've come back to find me, the me I left behind in this alley way. The me that believed. The me that once had a life and friends and a future. The me that wouldn't go unnoticed if she failed to turn up here at 7.o04 am. I am looking for my life. The last time I saw it, it was here, here in this alley way and so were my friends.</i></span></h4>
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="font-weight: normal;">'For someone' I add. 'Someone I left behind here a long time ago' </span></div>
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-18758122245148790322013-07-14T05:17:00.000-07:002013-07-14T05:17:05.540-07:00Home<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
And there's a huge part of that world that still intrigues me<br />
It pulls on my heart strings, it makes me feel like I belong, like i've come home<br />
It couldn't be further from a safe, comfortable, home, yet...it feels like home.<br />
Don't judge me, for we all have our weaknesses and this is mine...<br />
I miss the place I once called home<br />
I miss the trenches, the darkness and the danger<br />
I miss the world I once belonged to<br />
for now...I am just floating, floating above the clouds<br />
Escaping once and for all<br />
Trying to find a place I belong<br />
A place I call home<br />
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-54081183833546600722013-07-14T05:04:00.001-07:002013-07-14T05:04:26.829-07:00Leaving...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
one of my favourite movies of all time is GIA. The beautiful, tragic, touching story of Gia.<br />
The first time I watched it, I resonated with what she said about people leaving....ten years later, the same line still stands out.<br />
<br />
'WHERE ARE YOU GOING, PEOPLE ARE ALWAYS LEAVING, WHERE THE FUCK DO PEOPLE GO' Gia shouts as yet another person in her life says they have to leave. I feel like this today. People are always leaving. Is it better to be better off alone, than to let someone in, only for them to have to leave again...I am not so sure.<br />
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-32061706333374812822013-03-18T02:57:00.001-07:002013-03-18T02:57:53.369-07:00One of You is Lying<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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By the time you swear you're his,</div>
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Shivering and sighing,</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
And he vows his passion is</div>
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Infinite, undying -</div>
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Lady, make a note of this:</div>
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One of you is lying. </div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Dorothy Parker</i></div>
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-53213116219740438882013-03-05T01:44:00.000-08:002013-03-05T01:44:58.697-08:00ME<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<br />
I wake up in the middle of another night, gasping for air, my chest closing in on me. I am trying to breath, yet I cannot. I close my eyes and try to sleep, try to forget, yet my mind is awake. My room feels so large at night, it feel so big, so empty. Yet, it is too small for anyone else but me. Sometimes i feel like I am drowning in my own skin, suffocating, losing me in me.<br />
<br />
If the sadness is to leave something needs to be done. Things need to change. Walls need to be broken down, smashed to a billion pieces. The past needs to die. I need to live. </div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-91336650029381657082012-10-08T02:42:00.004-07:002012-10-08T02:45:56.534-07:00Tick Tock Tick Tock<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="line-height: 17px;">Time - it has a way of constantly moving forward - even when we don't want it to. Even when we're not ready for it's hand to strike the next number, it does. It doesn't wait for anyone, not for you and certainly not for me.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 17px;">It forces us to grow up. It forces us into a life we are not one hundred percent sure we really want.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 17px;"></span><br style="line-height: 17px;" /></div>
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<span style="line-height: 17px;">I woke up this morning and strangely found my soul longing for a time long gone. A time when I was just a young adolescent. Free from the pressures of life, responsibility and finance. Anchored in security. Because there's a certain type of security that comes with being a 13 year old, a consistency that feels like home. </span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 17px;">You wake up everyday to spend 6 hours with your bestfriends - you catch the same bus that does the same route morning and night with the same bus driver. Your friends get on and off at the same stops. Your friends are steadfast, your timetable secure, life for the next six years is bliss. It's stable, secure and filled to the brim with steadfast love.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: 17px;">Fast forward ten years, you have rent to pay, marriage to secure before a certain age, time to have children - because that biological click is ticking, a failing economy - job instability, debt, friends moving away, last minute let downs and cancellations - because now everyone has their own timetable and their own life - and they dont have to be at school by the ring of the bell and you don't all meet at 8-11-1-3pm everyday. And, your parents are aging and you know no one lives forever, your siblings have moved out of home and you miss them. No more watching movies and eating dinner by the fire - all together, as one. Nothing is the same anymore. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="line-height: 17px;">Suddenly you feel so lost - lost and alone and like you're losing your grasp on reality and time and nothing is secure or fulfilling or worth it. Not even your partner, because really, they too aren't really yours and marriage vows to most these days are forever changing and you can wake up one day to find that he has skipped the country with his / her assistant. It's frightening. It's lonely - its unstable. You are always longing, longing for a time, a time when everything was pure, perfect and secure. A time when life was planned out for you and all you had to do was turn up. I miss my past. I miss my old life. It's now A time long gone.</span></div>
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-27775643603783877392012-09-17T06:02:00.002-07:002012-09-17T06:02:29.915-07:00Where Art Thou LOVE?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal;"><b>Does true love exist?</b> I mean really exist? Not the unrequited <i>'I am in love with you but you don't know i exist</i>' kind of love,</pre>
</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal;">but the equally, intoxicating, consuming, passionate, fiery kind of love. </pre>
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</pre>
<pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal;">The love where two people love each other equally and both more than the other? </pre>
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<pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal;">The Romeo and Juliet - nothing, not even family ties and history can stop me from loving you - kind of love.I would die for you and you for me....love.</pre>
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The Notebook, kind of love- where people don't give up on each other...They're pulled away, apart, reunited and consumed by each other? Does that exist?</pre>
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</pre>
<pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal;">What about Candy? That intoxicating, tormented and tortured love...that just draws them together and overpowers them both.</pre>
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</pre>
<pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal;">I'm curious. Does the magical unexplainable love really occur? And most importantly, is it real? Or am I living in a place of aliens and ufo's and starships and real love is just as possible and rare as these objects? </pre>
<pre style="line-height: 17px; white-space: normal;">
A fantasy, an ideal, a dream.,, something that takes me away from reality for no more than a moment? It let's me float above the clouds for a day only for me to land flat on my face, be startled awake and realise....it was all just a dream, and, in reality nothing is as perfect as the love in our imagination.</pre>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8nlpxaK4udAVE2WjfvNP__LtSzboyBRGEGMWADNstWJPX3MhNlgri1znRAmAehUSe7KBX0pA9qkhaVCTLfhZ7o3APw0cmQJtp4z2zHpIqp8QLfkV7O18Ryfw3LEyzVDkcYPZDPaLP2oRN/s1600/ElleUkraine04.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi8nlpxaK4udAVE2WjfvNP__LtSzboyBRGEGMWADNstWJPX3MhNlgri1znRAmAehUSe7KBX0pA9qkhaVCTLfhZ7o3APw0cmQJtp4z2zHpIqp8QLfkV7O18Ryfw3LEyzVDkcYPZDPaLP2oRN/s320/ElleUkraine04.jpg" width="250" /></a><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCImvLUuLaUx2lEAkcgWceo2Ipk229mCY2RgTmhP6MWlMil-F-hgfyMOt83qxCW8MnKJjAOmojxOZ_D_96wAqQf2BMm3MbDhio0lCYNGf9p8KO7TGdb_o07Zj9kq9V-cAKlcdvmJ0M1xsc/s1600/ElleUkraine02.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhCImvLUuLaUx2lEAkcgWceo2Ipk229mCY2RgTmhP6MWlMil-F-hgfyMOt83qxCW8MnKJjAOmojxOZ_D_96wAqQf2BMm3MbDhio0lCYNGf9p8KO7TGdb_o07Zj9kq9V-cAKlcdvmJ0M1xsc/s320/ElleUkraine02.jpg" width="250" /></a></div>
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</span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px;"><b style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><i style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;">Love Story</i></b> – <a href="http://www.nikolaybiryukov.com/" rel="nofollow" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #835504; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Nikolay Biryukov’s</a> latest editorial for the September issue of <i style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; vertical-align: baseline;"><a href="http://elle.com.ua/" rel="nofollow" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #835504; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Elle Ukraine</a></i> features models Sam Rollinson (<a href="http://www.selectmodel.com/" rel="nofollow" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #835504; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Select London</a>) and Ondrey (<a href="http://www.independentmen.it/" rel="nofollow" style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: transparent; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial; background-position: initial initial; background-repeat: initial initial; border-bottom-width: 0px; border-color: initial; border-color: initial; border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; border-style: initial; border-style: initial; border-top-width: 0px; color: #835504; font-size: 14px; margin-bottom: 0px; margin-left: 0px; margin-right: 0px; margin-top: 0px; outline-color: initial; outline-style: initial; outline-width: 0px; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline;" target="_blank">Independent Men Milano</a>) as stylish love birds 60s cinema </span><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: Tahoma, Verdana, Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-71394713469630226242012-09-16T20:12:00.000-07:002012-09-17T05:47:28.249-07:00Heart...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Everything is different now...and she wants to runaway to some place far, far away from familiar faces, sounds and surroundings.<br />
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She may think a change of scenery is just what she needs to escape...running away seems like the answer, the scenery changes, the people are new and exciting, everything feels fresh again...but it's not long before she realises, the darkness...it followed her....it came along univited and it's here to dance on her heart.<br />
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This isn't tumblr...but today these images reflect the colour of my heart....<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYso4VkvV-EyEvx2IU39go7-5wsh3-bTobfAfgOmgKPlC5MK337CDLmgxzHe2w2lC7EQs3YwNZtW-0M0KqsDvRGxu7DunTaVUR0kzZqR3NLpYcj4BPaVtmkIXP_e97VNdKV-jNZSb3qSqs/s1600/black-girl-house-sadness-separate-with-comma-Favim_com-203723.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="576" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgYso4VkvV-EyEvx2IU39go7-5wsh3-bTobfAfgOmgKPlC5MK337CDLmgxzHe2w2lC7EQs3YwNZtW-0M0KqsDvRGxu7DunTaVUR0kzZqR3NLpYcj4BPaVtmkIXP_e97VNdKV-jNZSb3qSqs/s640/black-girl-house-sadness-separate-with-comma-Favim_com-203723.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj3fDpNrnUhsIlpVtWpGTlxjC78vx-HgiLChhLrLWXQJtCAigFKOWWzmiXZlxElDgo2ix4VIN5nd20FKCjJViUSJEuBsOXhrR3mjvMrO12EK3oHbUeTS9wrSrS3pxl80scbJIs3IU3rneo/s1600/tumblr_m71vfjnqaw1qgfmtdo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj3fDpNrnUhsIlpVtWpGTlxjC78vx-HgiLChhLrLWXQJtCAigFKOWWzmiXZlxElDgo2ix4VIN5nd20FKCjJViUSJEuBsOXhrR3mjvMrO12EK3oHbUeTS9wrSrS3pxl80scbJIs3IU3rneo/s640/tumblr_m71vfjnqaw1qgfmtdo1_500.jpg" width="502" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyjDvWJcCAUBRrgdVQl3Fc6dF4IYAFy0T_VqJv_T-gerAmL3REXqqxlERXC5ftlhoYZs_xOwT9ejxBWAQAUPhoduLCJ6e0OXs4frM1CnsHEfSoNSuXmxLkUVEa9RPJD9X-Pr-KT84YrqYo/s1600/tumblr_m77n6glzXb1qieq9mo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="388" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgyjDvWJcCAUBRrgdVQl3Fc6dF4IYAFy0T_VqJv_T-gerAmL3REXqqxlERXC5ftlhoYZs_xOwT9ejxBWAQAUPhoduLCJ6e0OXs4frM1CnsHEfSoNSuXmxLkUVEa9RPJD9X-Pr-KT84YrqYo/s640/tumblr_m77n6glzXb1qieq9mo1_500.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzpjvcZzmSYhY4EZqRfVoEmiRR4vjL5Q3YNBB8Q_vylWfrx9phOG31YsvXba306Iboak9HNtkmmOQ-oKV2CWKVJAeN8VdZr_qSutj1sN0D0ONA1nZosQ4VP6Y_lI_dHI5Gpzxmm316rOA5/s1600/tumblr_m7sw90T1nR1qzr98mo1_500.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzpjvcZzmSYhY4EZqRfVoEmiRR4vjL5Q3YNBB8Q_vylWfrx9phOG31YsvXba306Iboak9HNtkmmOQ-oKV2CWKVJAeN8VdZr_qSutj1sN0D0ONA1nZosQ4VP6Y_lI_dHI5Gpzxmm316rOA5/s640/tumblr_m7sw90T1nR1qzr98mo1_500.jpg" width="442" /></a></div>
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Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-2243666488214708712012-09-11T21:54:00.002-07:002012-09-11T21:56:07.657-07:00NYC Nostalgia<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
September is my favourite month in the whole year. Especially in NYC, it's that time when the heat is starting to fade away, the sun is out and there is a sweet warmth in the air but not unbearable hotness...like August.<br />
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My heart is drowning in nostalgia as I sit in Starbucks, Circular Quay, sipping on my iced latte...I am dreaming of being in Starbucks NYC, near 51st and 7th....watching all the unique characters pass me by...some look like they're from another era, other another life, another world....others look just like me....or someone I know....<br />
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I remember when I was in NYC, I would often sit in Starbucks, watching people, thinking about their world, where they have come from, where they are going, what they're thinking right this minute. The scars they're carrying, the memories, the haunts of the past and the delights of their present....the love they've experienced, the loss, the heartache, the adventures, their highs and lows, they're likes and dislikes.<br />
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Everyone has a story and every story is as touching, beautiful and tormenting as the next and all so valuable. There's beauty in everyone's ashes....Right now, I want to know everyone's story. I want to sit in Starbucks sipping my iced latte, picking on my buttered banana bread, against the buzzing backdrop of NYC, and listen...just be still and listen to ...everyone's story. <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje_RyxQfVTS79b5XC-YE89qLAH3mr0ThCrz1b5XKuQ2CpLdKoNUzNTlBOQbHkWydySNCkTuE7LdpcGIv7Ptr1ull7F2m3ONDKPpNMNbvQ29gFil6NP26Xg5CvhNVQvCWy06VDf58i8cQYf/s1600/kirsten-vs-magazine-2.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="424" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEje_RyxQfVTS79b5XC-YE89qLAH3mr0ThCrz1b5XKuQ2CpLdKoNUzNTlBOQbHkWydySNCkTuE7LdpcGIv7Ptr1ull7F2m3ONDKPpNMNbvQ29gFil6NP26Xg5CvhNVQvCWy06VDf58i8cQYf/s640/kirsten-vs-magazine-2.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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Tell me your story....my mind, body and soul craves for it.</div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-3692114297555262442012-09-04T19:27:00.000-07:002012-09-04T19:27:03.174-07:00<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb1BmEWoDYTwlKJdlcGJt58k4dWgN8kJM9hUj_OrB5EhvtJlwQzVN66Kim9B_7nCbgJ6DZOTAiwPPv0tIwSquA4g2HFZm-8IHwuvibkRpWtN3OWMQFRbLx0pc5hvlySI0f7omhAt2Fg7Ov/s1600/STAR%2520CROSSED%2520WILDFOX-4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="426" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhb1BmEWoDYTwlKJdlcGJt58k4dWgN8kJM9hUj_OrB5EhvtJlwQzVN66Kim9B_7nCbgJ6DZOTAiwPPv0tIwSquA4g2HFZm-8IHwuvibkRpWtN3OWMQFRbLx0pc5hvlySI0f7omhAt2Fg7Ov/s640/STAR%2520CROSSED%2520WILDFOX-4.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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He had but one consolation, that she had loved him....and that perhaps, wherever she now was, in whatever undiscoverable place, she loved him still....Sometimes, in those unaccountable moments known to every lover, when the hearts feels a strange stirring of delight, although there is no cause for anything but grief, he reflected: <strong>It is her thoughts that are reaching me....And perhaps my thoughts are reaching her...</strong>Fancies such as these which an instant later he brushed aside, nevertheless sufficed to kindle a glow in him which was something near to hope. - Victor Hugo</div>
Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-79012721458207946412012-08-05T07:44:00.000-07:002012-08-05T07:49:45.935-07:00Beautiful, Eerie and Familiar all at Once<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
This was written for you.....this blog is just divine <a href="http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/">http://www.iwrotethisforyou.me/</a><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="480" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/-0gCu8s_B_I" width="853"></iframe><br />
<br />
My words couldn't do this incredible blog justice.<br />
<br />
There's a video and a book.<br />
<br />
Here's an Excerpt<br />
<span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: #666666; font-family: 'Lucida Grande', Geneva, Arial, Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 18px;"><span style="font-size: 13px;"><br /></span><em>Dear You,<br /><br />You are holding in your hands what was promised to you years ago. I’m sorry it took so long. But life, as is so often the case, is life and we forget about the promises we’ve made.<br /><br />You, however, are harder to forget.<br /><br />I know the world is crazy. I know love is not always the way it’s meant to be. I know sometimes, things hurt. But I also know that we’ll get through this. That our hearts will arrive on the other side, in one piece. That everything is beautiful, if we give it the chance to be.<br /><br />I’ve tried to write down what I saw and what you told me and I sincerely don’t think I missed anything. Let me know if I have.<br /><br />I love you. I miss you.<br /><br />Me </em></span></div>Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9180960454897602261.post-918994141564512402012-08-01T21:11:00.002-07:002012-08-10T17:47:13.164-07:00Runaway with me...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'There's warning signs all over him.
Not tiny little flags that you can swim around, but <span style="color: red;">CLEAR,
BOLD, BRIGHT RED - DO NOT ENTER - DANGEROUS - CAUTION.</span>....stuck all over
him.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'What are you drinking?' he asks</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'I am not drinking tonight' I
respond. I look at his chiseled jaw line. His tanned olive skin, his strong
sculptured body, his porcelain white teeth......</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Can I get you a soft drink then?
Water?.... anything?' he asks</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'No...thank you..I am good' I answer
with a warm smile.</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Wait...you MUST try the truffle
crepes. They are to die for' He raises his sculptured arm and signals the
waiter, </span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Bring this young woman some truffle
crepes please'</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'I've already had dessert', I plead.</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'BUT..you haven’t had the crepes…. just
a spoonful... You don't have to eat them all, but you MUST at the very least, try
them'<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Before I can utter another word, the
crepes are sitting before me - And a tiny part of me likes not having to
struggle with my indecisiveness for once. I've been tossing up whether to order
the crepes all night and decided on a hot chocolate instead, and....to be
frank, it was not satisfying. </span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br />
'They look divine' I say scooping up some chocolate truffle sauce with my fork </span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">------'o-h-w-o-w!' I pause - 'They're heavenly!'</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'I told you, you would enjoy them'
he smirks knowingly. </span><br />
<br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Damm that confidence, that charisma....it’s
empowering and addictive and comforting'<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I continue to scoop up the sauce
with my fork and knife, struggling to cut the crepes, it's doughy and
difficult, secretly wanting to just use my fingers to eat them.....I have
always had a problem being civil with a knife and fork, I butcher my food
instead of gracefully cutting and eating it like a proper lady should.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'HERE' he leans forward and takes
the knife and fork from my hand, 'let me do this'...he smiles and winks as he
takes the knife and fork from my hands, brushing his fingers against mine, he
moves the plate towards him....I breath a sign of relief. But for some strange
reason, I don't feel embarrassed by my weakness, nor am I conscious about the
the way I was eating… I don't feel the need to impress him, part of me, doesn't
want to, for I know if I do...It could open doors..doors, I am not so sure I
would have the strength to close.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'You're like a child, I'll have to
cut them into tiny pieces for you before you make a mess of yourself'; he says
not breaking eye contact. </span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'look!!! He says touching my hand
and then slowly moving his hands up to the bottom of my long blonde hair
strands... <i>....</i>you have truffle sauce all over your fingers, hands and
hair, how'd you manage to make such a mess in less than five minutes?!' he
smirks</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<i><span style="font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Words aren't flowing, I am losing
control - I can feel it. I'm mesmerized by this man, his arrogance masked by
his charisma, his danger hidden behind his friendly smile and dazzling good
looks. I know I am in dangerous territory.<o:p></o:p></span></i></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What is happening to
me. He is not anything I would ever CONSCIOUSLY allow to mesmerize me like this…yet….I
am….I watch him closely as he cuts the crepes into small edible pieces, I can't
help but admire him, there's something...something all too familiar about this
man...something that I could allow myself to get drawn into.... without even
trying to fight back......</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He holds the knife and
fork so delicately yet with such precision, like he is carving a statue out of
glass.... his hands are softer and more manicured than my own. So polished, so delicate,
so clean... I bet they're soft......</span><span style="font-family: "Georgia","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I look down at my
chipped black nail polish, my peeling cuticles. Suddenly for the first time
this evening I wish I had worn make up. I curl my fingers into a ball and start
chewing on the nail of my thumb, hiding away the evidence of shabby, un-moisturized
hands....<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'There you go, now you
can enjoy them properly' he says pushing the plate of chocolate covered cooked
dough before me....and carefully placing the knife and fork on the side of the
plate.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The waiter is at my
side again - 'Any drinks for you ma'am?' Holding his notepad and pen in hand.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Just some water -
thank you' I answer with a polite smile</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Bottled, not that tap
shit' he adds as the waiter starts to walk away but swiftly turns around and
nods his head in agreement.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Can’t help yourself,
can you? I say shaking my head<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'What...ordering for
you?' he laughs<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'No, changing my
order,...clearly, I actually placed the order myself' I add sharply.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Why drink tap water
when you have the option of filtered?' - he says, raising his eyebrows ‘ I hate
tap water’ <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">‘Well….just as well
you’re NOT THE ONE drinking it – and because I WANT tap water, is that not a
good enough reason' - I snap.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He shakes his head in
defeat or surrender - it's hard to tell......he looks away and signals the
waiter- I see the waiter excuse himself from the couple who are obviously in
the middle of placing their order – he comes rushing over.,,,, <i>that power -</i></span><i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "MS Gothic"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Gothic";"> </span></i><i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> he exudes
power...I've always had a weakness for powerful men...the type that can sell
ice to eskimos, they exude charisma, charm and danger all at once. So good yet
so bad.</span></i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'</span></i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Give her tap water; she wants tap water’ </span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "MS Gothic"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Gothic";"> </span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'please' I add looking
up at the waiter and smiling.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Yes sir- </span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "MS Gothic"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Gothic";"> </span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">ma-am' the waiter says
as he scurries off.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Oh manners, you seem
to forget them' I say<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'I am slightly
distracted granting your wish of tap water madam' <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>he says with a smile<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'It would be nice if
every single one of my wishes got granted - just like that.</span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "MS Gothic"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Gothic";"> </span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">' I look at him, <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'What is it that you
want and can't have?' he asks </span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "MS Gothic"; font-size: 12pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "MS Gothic";"> </span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Nothing but
everything... The complexity which is my mind never knows what it wants'<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'</span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I can tell - which is
why I ordered the crepes that you didn't want and have almost finished'...he
smiles - that knowing smile.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> T</o:p></span></i><i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">hat pull, like a rip
in the ocean... it has the potential to drown you in one second...yet the you
enjoy the adrenalin that comes with swimming in such strong waters...the
challenge...to survive.</span></i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fuck!! I want to slap myself. I am flirting
with danger, I need to stop, yet I can’t….I am captivated. </i><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I pick at a piece of
diced crepe as I ask him questions about himself.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Psychologist? He asks<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'In training....' I
add<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'How did you know?' I
look up and am genuinely puzzled.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">'Your questions are
very inquisitive - yet calculated... Only someone who has a map around the mind
knows to ask such questions.......You know the answers, yet you ask the
questions....very....interesting......'<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know by the way he's
looking at me when he speaks, the hand gestures, he knows I'm slightly
intrigued, more than intrigued....my eyes speak a thousands words and right
now, they have given me away...<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He pulls his chair away as his phone rings, his hands slide down
his thighs and my eyes follow - expressing every thought wandering loosely
through my mind. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shit! WHAT THE FUCK am
I doing?! What is wrong with me?! Why am I behaving like I am under a spell. I
feel like I am under a spell ---- his spell. A puppet whose strings are being
pulled, I am dancing to his tune, unable to stop myself....<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I take a deep breath -
trying to distract myself from the thoughts that are running through my pure
mind....the thoughts that really don't belong there <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">My mind is saying no,
leave now, stop playing with fire, you know how that game ends all too well..,<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yet my feet are firmly
planted on the ground. The soles of my shoes super glued to the wooden
floorboards beneath me. I am mesmerized. Too mesmerized to move. I am enjoying
this game.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The night continues,
we laugh, we talk, we ask questions, everything so fitting, time is not of essence, everything... so comfortable, he
is utter perfection, from his dazzling charm, good looks, to his incredibly defined strong body, legs and arms but..he's laced with a ticking explosive bomb.... hidden behind this pretty, dazzling fascade. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I know myself too well, I know how easily I could fit into
his lifestyle. And for a split second I start day-dreaming, I go to another
place, one where I would like to leave with this man and runaway to a beachside home where I will take photos and write all day long. Forgetting this external, superficial world AND living up to its expectations. I would surrender, and say -
<em>'take over, I am done trying to organise and structure my life and figure out
where I am meant to be in this world and what I am meant to be doing..</em>...just
like the crepes and the ordering and the cutting up my food, take over and do
it for me...</span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">is that weakness? </span><br />
<br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">That for once I don’t want to be the man in
the relationship. I don’t want to be the decision maker, the girlfriend, the
brains, the bread winner and the organizer of the home. Maybe I have been
strong for too long, fought too hard, independence is driving me insane, maybe
surrender would be nice for a change, maybe having someone more than capable of
taking care of me and more is just what I need? Someone who already has a full life of his own. Someone whose life I can slot into for once and not me have to carry them. And, at the same time someone
who will stand up to me and mentally & physically challenge me, there’s
nothing more exciting than a man who stands his ground, and knows what he wants
and is prepared to fight for it…Yet he knows when to give in all the same.
Arrogance and control, yet not dominance. And, his world.....that which is both risky and dangerous. A modern day Bonnie and Clyde. </span><br />
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Runaway with me.....my thoughts run wild...I am again escaping with my imagination but for once, it's not fictional ...it's real and it's standing before me and I have the choice to unravel it..to plunge in...to test the waters...to let them engulf me...to escape.</span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">But....is it worth it?
Giving up everything I have worked so hard for. The fight for my independence
only to find out I no longer want it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I am at war with
myself - once again - to stay or to go - I could stay all night – and take the
risk of staying longer than one night…staying for a long time. I know how well I’d
belong here…yet…..<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p> </o:p></span><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Against my every wish,
I get up....'I must get going, it's well past 1am' I say<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He nods - <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He doesn't ask when and
if he will see me again, he doesn't ask to call me, he just says it was a
lovely night - have a good night.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And... I walk away -
reluctantly - a part of me grateful for that inner wrought iron strength that
does what it knows it should, not what it wants, another part of me wanting to
have given into desire - for once - wanting to have disconnected from reality
for a short while, the two sides of me once again conflicting. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt;">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He was right about one thing - I sure as hell don't know what I
want...<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He is heaven and he is
hell –<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He is the morning sun
and the dark knight<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">He is peace and he is
fire all rolled into one<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">he is definitely <strong><u>not</u></strong>
what I need <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Yet he's everything I
desire.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">The end. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">And I start to play out in my mind what life
would be like with him - it would so so far from functional and maybe that's
what has drawn me to him. ...Maybe functional scares me. Deep down functional
is what I want but maybe somewhere I have started believing that I can't do
functional so I don't even try... Maybe I try too hard and fail and just
retreat to what I once knew. Maybe I don't want a future with him - maybe I
just want to fill a void.</span></i><span style="color: #1f1f1f; font-family: "Arial","sans-serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
</div>Poison&Winehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04757539793544139600noreply@blogger.com2