Time doesn't wait..

'It's never too late for true love', he whispers  

'It never just goes away,' It's always there, it just needs to be awakened, again..'  

'And, and, what we had, it was real....' 'It can be a-g-a-i-n...' 

Sometimes it is too late...
Sometimes you sit and you wait and you hope that, that special person will realize what you had was special and rare and out of this world, and come back, but then as time passes, so does your hope of ever getting back together again and suddenly, one day, there's nothing there - not even a tiny scar to remind you that there was once a big well, filled to the brim with crazy, passionate, love. 

Slowly that huge hole in your heart starts to close, day by day, hour by hour, second by second it gets smaller and smaller - you miss them less, your days get fuller, you become your own bestfriend, you learn how to walk alone again 

it's over 

it's like it never was there to begin with. I can't try and find what we had - I've spent two years forgetting, growing and weeping and recovering. I've convinced myself that there's more than this and.... today, now... after seeing you, I actually believe there's more out there for me. And you, you were just someone that accompanied me on the journey for a short while, and then the train came to a stop and you could have stayed on, I asked you to, you had a CHOICE, but you chose to get off - it was your choice! That train doesn't wait - it keeps moving and I've moved with it. I travelled too far to come back to the second stop, so I'll continue on my journey. 

Thank you for the experience my sweet once upon a time lover.

Notes on Life

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

• If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
• Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

• Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

• Do one thing everyday that scares you

• Sing

• Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

• Floss

• Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

• Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

• Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

• Stretch, Go to Yoga and walk outdoors a few times a week,

• Stop to enjoy the sunshine

• Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

• Get plenty of calcium.

• Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

• Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

• Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

• Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

• Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

• Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

• Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

• Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

• Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

• Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

• Travel

• Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

• Respect your elders.

• Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

• Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

• Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…"

• -Baz Luhrman

Sweet Love - Reunited

I hadn't seen him, no, not since that day. Nor him, nor my heart.

Stop!!!! I shouted, running down the narrow hallway of my home, the sound of my own heels on the wooden floorboards echoing throughout the home, as I ran towards the man I loved. Not knowing whether those words would in fact actually stop him.

I reached him, I gently wrapped my arms around the back of his neck, kissing him gently. Pulling away, yet refusing to unravel my fingers from around his neck, not wanting to let go, not now, not...ever. Gazing into his beautiful eyes. Those eyes that always managed to capture me, now finally firmly fixed on me. Again.

Silence.

I pull away, I know I must refrain. But something within me cannot.

wait.... I say. Pulling him in close once again, my lips pressing against his for one final time. As I close my eyes and inhale this moment.

Now

I pull away - for good this time. My eyes no longer looking into his but now that big white door, positioned right behind him, waiting for his entrance or should we say exit.

leave. go. please. just go.

The door slams shut and he is gone. It is like he never has been here. The deep burning sensation inside my heart knows better.

I turn around to walk back to my bedroom, my knees weak, weak with the uncertainty and the unknown. Instead I slide down against that door, that same white door that has just closed behind him. My knees pulled in close to my chest, my arms clasped together, in the prayer position,  my fingers intertwined into each other, my head collapses on them. My brain foggy.

Part of me knew that would be the last I would see of him, another tiny part, thought maybe, just maybe, one day just like in the movies you will come back. Maybe you will drunk dial me, maybe you will throw rocks at my window, begging me for a place to sleep. Maybe you will remember this / us and want it again and maybe you will be brave enough to come after me.

BUT...20 months passed and I didn't hear a word. Nothing.Silence. I had dismissed you from my mind. I didnt even know you existed on this earth anymore. I was done.sort.of. In the forefront of my mind at least.

We (whatever 'we' meant) was done. Done before it had even begun really.

And then it happened.

Silence

Our bodies stand still, our eyes are the only things moving, flickering.

Silence

He waits, patiently, coffee in hand, oblivous to anyone else around, anyone but this woman he is gazing at, eyes burning right at her, her, now walking towards him, sure of her presence, sure of her
Just like a groom...
except
he is not my bridegroom and I am not his bride, this is not an aisle,it is a public coffee shop
He is someone I once knew and
Me, well..... I am someone he wants to forget
But we come face to face, we stand still
our eyes remain locked, fixed on one another.

Silence

I know something in that moment,
I know everything i had ever thought, felt and written about him, about us, about this
It had not been imagined. It was real, it still....is.
The past hits me like a flash of lightening, jolting right through me, awakening every part of me,
Every pore, every bone, every vein, filled with indescribable light,
from the tips of my head to the soles of my feet, I am alive
We stand facing one another
As I gaze into his eyes, I find myself drifting, falling into a dreamlike state of mind, knowing so much time has passed, i have grown,
he has grown, he has moved on, but between us....here, now, two years later,
the same light still remains.and probably always will.
safely packaged away for no one to touch.
not even him,
not even I.

Photo Credit: Unknown

A Vision, A Dream

I was sitting on the train this evening when a song started playing through my headphones. The lyrics took me back to a happier time in my life. A time in my life, when I was sailing smoothly towards the shore that held my dream, the sun was out, the sky was blue, it was perfect indeed. And, most importantly, I was happy, very happy. As I listened to the lyrics over and over again, I was transported back there, and ...I was once again filled with joy.

I realised something in that moment, I have been very unhappy of late, and this is because…

I had forgotten about my dream.

Actually all of my dreams.

Why?

One too many failures and you want to give up. You think, if it hasn't happened now, it won't ever happen, it's too late, I'm too old, I'm not good enough.

I have put myself out there and hit the ground flat faced, not once, but many times.

Why not give up?

Around me, people are living their dreams and I think 'God, maybe this dream, this isn't for me, maybe I am not meant to be there, because if I was, I would surely be there by now. Surely if it was meant to happen it would have happened by now. People half my age are at the peak of their career, they have the perfect home, car, family. And here I am, striving and crying after yet another failure.

Asking why not me?

This was me. Today.and, everyday for the past two years.

Until that song took me back and reminded me WHY I must keep fighting, and why it makes me so happy to be in that dream place,

It reminded me that despite the failures I must push on. Because, because that dream, that place, it’s my happy place and it’s where I LONG to be.

As I sit here now, I am writing this to remind myself each day to look at that dream and pray over it and, keep working harder and harder towards it. Nothing happens over night and most importantly, it doesn’t happen without hard work.

I am going to daily proclaim if over my life. See myself living it. I am NOT going to stop dreaming.

If something brings us great joy, whatever that is, be it relationships, job, whatever, it is that your beautiful heart desires, it desires it for reason. And, you should have it. If you want it bad enough, you will keep fighting for it. And, if you don't give up, you will see it come to pass. Trust me, you will.

And, if it's a heart desire, God too has placed that there, and he wants you to have it at, just the right time and, you may feel like that is now, but remember timing is everything and sometimes we have no idea how much we are growing and equipping ourselves RIGHT NOW, in this season for what’s to come.

what's important is to be happy in journey, because there will never be another time like this. You will never be this young again, you will never have this day, this year, this moment back again. So enjoy the now, all whilst....holding that dream each day, keeping it alive, imagine it, see it coming to life, because without a dream and hope in our heart we are as good as dead. We cant give up on it just because it hasnt happpened yet or we have failed time and time and time again, how many times did Abraham Lincoln fail?

What about Walt Disney?

Barrack Obama was told to stick to lecturing...

Imagine it ..go after it..and do this

until the day comes when you will see that dream come out of your imagination and spring to life.

It's possible. I've seen the impossible become possible many times in my own life, and if these things have happened in my past and to me, they can happen to you too. I was a hopeless cause.

And, they IF I have come where I am today,  you can too. And, I need not stop here.

Keep that dream alive. Don't lose heart.

Here's what I think:

You've been through hell, you've cried your eyes out night, after night

If you've accomplished and survived all this, you can accomplish and survive anything.

Especially with gods army

Nothing will be impossible

No mountain to high

No river too deep

You will survive and in Abundance

and most importantly - why not you? You want it don't you? You're prepared to work for it? Go for it. DREAM BIG!

DON'T STOP! PLEASE DON'T STOP DREAMING!

FEAR

Can you swim in shark infested waters and not fear of being bitten/attacked

 .... if you live in fear it will paralyze you NOT to do anything - you always need to be cautious but you need to experience life with all the dangers that lurk .... that is part of the journey - the other option is living indoors looking out the window and watching others living and dying.

Bitter Sweet Memories

I haven't dreamt of you in.... Forever.

Why now?  I had forgotten - happily forgotten - what it felt like to crave something, miss it, want it, need it. I learnt how to be OK. How to live without you. Without love. Without ...that feeling.

I mean i never really had you. And maybe it's not you I crave. Maybe ... Its that time in my life. The innocence. The naivety. The newness of that chapter. The love itself.

And I was doing just fine. Fine until you showed up in my dream last night and reminded me how I had felt all those years ago. And how far away i am from those feelings today. and, that once again, I had forgotten what 'magic' felt like.

And it's not that bad. Hell I know for sure it's been 1billion times worse but what brings tears to my eyes is that I also know its been 1thousand times better. And the better is what I want. And I want it now.

I don't want to wait. To fight. To struggle. I want it now.

How is it even possible to wake up from a dream as still feel everything as if it were real ?

The butterflies, the head spins, the warmth in your belly, the dazed feelings, the joy.

To be stirred up, full of love... Again. Sober but drunk. Drunk on love when you haven't even had a sip.

I know I will fall again, and maybe, just maybe this time it will be better than that time.

Even more magical and breath-taking.

I know for sure, it will be different and here's why:

I'll never be that broken again

I'll never be that child in need of rescuingI'll never be that girl that doesn't believe in magic - I'll be instead expecting it now, head spins, butterflies, ecstasy - the lot.

And most importantly I'll never be that girl that had never loved......

I'll never be that girl that doesn't know what she's missing: because now I've had love, it's hard not to know what you're missing.

And FYI

I fucking miss you! And how happy I felt with you around. Like anything was possible. And, for a short time there it was.

I can only hope I feel like that someday again, and someday soon.

xoxox

All the way from me to you.

S.

For My BestFriend

It feels like yesterday when you would ride your push bike to my house;
Suzi, Suzi – you would call out my name, and we could go out to play;

It was 12 years ago,

It feels like two days ago when we would get dressed up at your house and sip wine in your living room, laughing at the catastrophes that took place the night before; preparing for the new night ahead, more fun, more parties, more stories..

It was almost 11 years ago

It feels like a week ago when we would dance till sun up, party like there was no room for tomorrow, had no worries in the world, we were young, full of life and thought we would live forever, forever young – it was the song I dedicated to you on your 21st birthday, as the DJ hit play I RAN across the club lifted you in my arms and spun you around – ‘I love you so much I screamed, you’re the best friend any girl could ever ask for, thank you for coming into my life!!’ the music echoing through the speakers, caught up in the moment, forgetting that I had just lifted your denim mini as high as I had just lifted you, exposing more than the eye cares to see to the patrons of the club, the same club we frequented week after week, but we didn’t care, we had each other, the music and we were loving life.

That was 8 years ago

Those were the days when tomorrow was a lifetime away and all we cared about was today.
It was seems like yesterday when I watched you marry the love of your life, it felt like I had blinked and you had gone from this young teenager running around in her ripped blockout jeans, with a scotch and bourbon in her hand, to today, holding the arm of a man who was to become her husband. You were about to be a wife. I bawled and bawled. My best friend was no longer the young girl on her bike with a drink in her hand, she was now a woman, about to be someone’s wife.

Part of me cried for selfish reasons, for the fact that I could no longer just drop into your living room whenever I felt like it, I could no longer share every night of the week with you tucked into your lounge with you and a hot tea, sometimes a wine, watching the notebook over and over again ‘Suzi, you’ll love this movie, trust me, you will cry, you're such a romantic, I know you'll cry’ you’d say. And cry I did. We would lay there, planning our future, who we would marry, how many kids we would have, where we would live, reminiscing the party yesterday, planning the one tomorrow.

Today, this girl was about to grow up. She was about to become some-one’s wife. No longer a girl, now a woman. I was going to miss the young you but I was over excited to see what the future had for you. And I knew, no matter how different our lives would be from this moment on, we would ALWAYS be by each others side. We would never change. Our friendship, more like blood, alongside each other for the rest of our lives.

I couldn’t think of a person who deserved the goodness of the world more than you. You are one of the funniest, sensitive, caring, loving, warm hearted and delightful souls in the world. And if anyone deserves happiness - it is you. I mean that from the very bottom of my heart.

I will never forget the way you held my hand when I couldn’t even feel it, when I cried tears of pain, year after year, everytime I looked around you were there standing right beside me. Even when everyone else had left. You never did. Even if it meant risking everything to be my friend. You did. You held me in your arms and told me you would never let me go through anything alone - and you never did. You were my strength when I had lost the desire to live. You guided me through the darkness when I couldn’t see the day of light. You even replaced all my make up when it had been stolen. ‘Don’t cry babe, I’ll get you some new make up, and nicer make up, that monkey can keep it' my tears turned to laughter. You always knew exactly what to say.

You wiped my tears and made me laugh on the long drives home, your words made me laugh so much. I forgot about the tears and the pain. Till this day you still manage to do that.
You laughed and rejoiced with me when I came back to life. You were there with arms wide open letting me back in your life, when I didn’t even deserve a place in it, but you did. You opened your arms and loved me like I had never been away. That..I will never forget.

And today you shared with me the news, and part of me already knew, I could feel it, I was waiting for you to tell me, and today you did;

You’re going to be a mother

It feels like yesterday I made that beautiful speech at your wedding and now my childhood friend is about to grow up and become a mother. I couldn’t think of a more caring, nurturing, warm hearted and strong woman to be this childs mother. You are going to uplift, encourage and uphold this child so much and fill it with overflowing love. It is going to be the abundantly blessed by you. And you my precious friend - You deserve everything your beautiful heart has ever desired and or dreamed of and more. So much more.

Thank you for being my friend, I can’t believe how fast time flies and how things change, people change, our lives change but thank you for forever staying the same. For forever having the open heart and for always being here for me. Sev, I would not have made some of my hardest days if you hadn’t held my hand through it all. Or had some of the most fun and memorable nights on this earth had you not been there by my side to share it with me.
I love you dearly and I can’t wait to meet this beautiful child you have living inside of you. Already I can see the glow, I can see the deep care and love you have for it. It has a strong mother and an amazing father. It’s going to be extremely blessed to have your love lavished upon it, for it is rare to find a love and heart like yours (and of course Charlie’s).
I love you forever!
S. xxxxxxxxoooooxxxxx

Wish You Were Here. S&S

I'm now driving back home. I can't stay down there after dark. Especially not on a weekday, it's impossible to avoid the blackness that immediately comes over me. The sky turns black, the air has a chill to it, there's an eerie silence that fills my ears, seeping into my brain as I plunge dark into a hole. I keep free falling, unable to see the bottom. I feel like I'm gasping for air and no matter how fast or slow I breathe, the oxygen is evading me. I'm gasping not only for air, but for sight, for feeling, for anything to remind me that I'm OK. I've grown up, things have changed. But ... nothing i say ...helps. Present words can't change the past feelings. 

Both hands tightly clasped around the steering wheel, eyes fixed straight ahead, straight into the empty wide freeway. There's no street lights on this wide freeway, it's dark and it feels cold. Cold and empty. Fleetwood Mac is playing through the car speakers, Stevie Nicks' voice singing 'turn around, see me running, And can you tell me...was it worth it? Baby i don't wanna know' And, suddenly I think of my destination;  the empty home I'm going back to. How there's no one waiting with open arms to greet me, I don't know my neighbours and my best friends have all moved. Most of them married and living in other countries, states and even suburbs.

And then I think of you, of us, of all of us ...as teenagers,young adults, then adults. The tight unbreakable bond we all shared. I remember us running around in the wooden huts by the local beach. Sitting on the rocks perched above the water; the waves breaking off the rocks beneath us and the salt hitting our faces. The coldness in the air; so refreshing. We would talk and  laugh on those rocks until all hours of the morning, listening to the waves crashing, not a care in the world. Car surfing as dangerous as it was, we weren't threatened by it. We were young kids, living our lives. Carefree and fun. Full of love, life and happiness. Freedom reigned.When did it all change? When did we all grow so far apart? Am I to blame? Are they to blame? Is anyone to blame?

Each time i come back to visit,  I feel like a zombie. stone.cold. I walk past people from the past and i pretend I don't see them. I don't want to remember any of them and even more importantly I want them all to forget me. But today, as I drove past your parents home i wasn't prepared to see you there. You were standing out the front, fiddling with your phone. It was like I was looking at a fragment from the past, and in some ways, I was. And, there's something I want you to know; I wanted to stop. To pull over on the side of the road, tear up the handbrake and run over and give you a huge hug. Tell you how amazing you are. Just like i would have done all those years ago. Just like I had done for the past 15 years. I play the scenario out in my head; 

But I don't stop. Instead i continue driving, straight onto the freeway, leading me home. This new home, this new life.

As I continue driving, I feel like my heart has just been torn open. It breaks into tiny pieces, tears start to form. Why didn't I stop? But we both know the answer to that question, and we both know it's best left unanswered. I can't do that to you, not again, not after....everything. The risk... is just too high. And, I like the silence. I can't risk it. Not here.not now. not at your house.

I remember the one thing you said to J when you bumped into her. Your words still tear at my soul. I am not too sure anyone will ever care quite like the way you did, our friendship as platonic as it always was, was solid and strong. You were always there for me, especially when the world i had once known, turned their back on me. Their back on me to support 'him'. 

J said there was a genuineness in your voice, she said,she could tell by the look in your eyes, that you really cared. You asked.

'There's something i need to know, I need to how about S. One thing i don't know and the one thing I actually care about more than anything....

''IS SHE HAPPY?' 

That beautiful soul, she deserves happiness more than anyone i know, and i need to know that wherever she's gone, whoever she is with, I need to know that finally ...finally...she has found happiness.  

And, I want you to know, I am happy, it's a daily journey and I am slowing finding my feet, but with them, I am also reuniting with that happiness i once knew, so long ago.But, more than anything i wish I could have stopped today and told you myself. I wish i could have looked you in the eyes and told you .... everything. Because i know no one else would understand quite like you would.......... 

And, I have a new life, but I wonder, will there will always be a void in my heart? a black spot where history lays. That void, that the present can't fill, no matter how great, even better it is. That understanding we shared, i didn't have to explain to you, you knew, you saw, you felt ...it all. And no matter how hard they try to understand, they can't, because they weren't there. And we should never think we understand something we have never experienced. Memories are so precious, Nothing can replace them. People too, no one can replace them either. Everyone is carved so uniquely and the moments we share together as people, they can't be replicated.Once a moment is gone, its gone and we are left with only a memory of that moment. If we let that fade, we wither away to nothing. And a part of me already feels like i have withered away to almost nothing. Almost. 

I've let too many memories fade. 

Dangerous Toys

You meet someone for the first time in a long time, longer than you can remember. And, you have a divine connection. He’s sweet, caring, kind and has the most beautiful eyes. He would make a great father one day. He’s creative, heck he writes the most incredible lyrics. You can’t stop thinking about him. He is understanding and compassionate. He’s perfect and together you are beyond perfection. You never knew such perfect ion existed. You never even knew love existed, but this, this new connection, this is very well leading down the path of soon-to-be-love.

Suddenly he stops calling. The sweet butterflies are replaced with an unpleasant anxiousness. You have nothing more than a phone number, no address, no facebook, not even a twitter account. He doesn't do 'social self exploitation' as he likes to call it.

You go to call him as you walk into your elevator, but get really nervous and you fumble with the keypad on your phone, the sweat of your hands makes the phone slippery, you clutch it tightly, but the sweaty fingers are too much and holding it tight is impossible. Suddenly it slips through your fingers and before you can stop it, in slow motion, you watch it make its way for that tiny hole.  You instinctively know where it will land, where you don’t want it to land. And you watch helplessly as it effortlessly fits right through the tiny slot of the opening of the elevator. You hear the clunks as it makes its way to the bottom of the elevator, stopping with a major thump. You know it has landed and you know it is gone. And the door closes. Your heart drops, in that moment, gone is any hope of receiving that phone call, gone is the hope of making it, gone is the hope of the future you had planned together. Again that silence greets you.

You make your way to your hotel room after being told the phone cannot be retrieved for another 6 weeks, but you're leaving the country in three weeks. You leave your name and address with the hope that one day that phone will safely find its way to you. You write yourself to sleep that night, alone in your Hollywood hotel room. Thinking how different it would have been if he had called, no longer would you be alone. Silently screaming at yourself for being so stupid and letting go of that phone. For not calling when you had the chance, for waiting so long. For being so clumsy. For everything that you are, which today seems like a major mess of a human being. Now you’re alone, with nothing more than the distant sound of Leno’s laughter coming through the speakers of the TV, that too seems like it’s very far away, even though tonight it’s your only companion, and it will be for some time. The streets of Sunset Blvde are alive and buzzing, there’s so many people around, but out there - you are one. And you are alone. Loneliness is invading as you sit cross-legged on the soft queen size bed, on this bed; you feel so small, staring at the page of written words. The only thing in arms reach. words. You're again thinking of how special he was, how special your time together was, how perfectly you fitted. How loneliness didn’t stand a chance when you were together. How unique and incredible your connection was, yet .....it’s gone.

You had a plan But SO does GOD.

Sometimes we don’t understand it, but God does. He sees far beyond what anyone of us ever could. He sees things we couldn’t fathom in a million years. Maybe he steps in and confiscates that toy before it blows up in our hands and tears off our fingers and leaves us burnt and scarred. We see it as a beautiful toy; we don’t see the ticking bomb that has been placed inside this beautiful plastic creation, how could a toy be harmful? IT brings a child so much joy. But God knows what’s inside and he knows it's ticking.

Like a child cries when a parent takes that toy from his hand, we cry when God takes something from us.

If only the child knew ten years later he would grow up with burns and scars because the parent didn’t confiscate the toy when they should have. Their life would be much different to the one they live today, one riddled with burns and scars, covered in bandages, unable to breathe. Isolated. Sad. Angry.

The child played with the toy until it blew up, a few years of sheer pleasure and companionship, but now they have to face the rest of their life living with these scars and the burnt fingers. If only...... thinks the parent, if only they had taken that toy earlier on and let the child sit in their room alone.  They would have endured the pain of loneliness for a few days, weeks, years but eventually a new toy would have arrived, this one without a ticking bomb, this one perfectly shaped and carved and whole, this one yours to keep for as long as you like because there's nothing inside that 's going to explode and cause you damage.

And, THANK him, that he took away that toy that you brought you so much joy. Because  he knew it was a bomb waiting to explode and it was only a matter of time; but you didn't have a clue. Thank him, that he saved you from something you weren't even aware was dangerous.

Patience is the painful yet rewarding key to our destiny. Enjoy the journey, tackle the loneliness with hope, stand strong for that day is coming, the day the Lord has promised, the day that he will fulfill those aching desires of your heart. He hasn't forgotten. he knows.