Tuesday 24 April 2012

Dangerous Toys







You meet someone for the first time in a long time, longer than you can remember. And, you have a divine connection. He’s sweet, caring, kind and has the most beautiful eyes. He would make a great father one day. He’s creative, heck he writes the most incredible lyrics. You can’t stop thinking about him. He is understanding and compassionate. He’s perfect and together you are beyond perfection. You never knew such perfect ion existed. You never even knew love existed, but this, this new connection, this is very well leading down the path of soon-to-be-love.
Suddenly he stops calling. The sweet butterflies are replaced with an unpleasant anxiousness. You have nothing more than a phone number, no address, no facebook, not even a twitter account. He doesn't do 'social self exploitation' as he likes to call it.
You go to call him as you walk into your elevator, but get really nervous and you fumble with the keypad on your phone, the sweat of your hands makes the phone slippery, you clutch it tightly, but the sweaty fingers are too much and holding it tight is impossible. Suddenly it slips through your fingers and before you can stop it, in slow motion, you watch it make its way for that tiny hole.  You instinctively know where it will land, where you don’t want it to land. And you watch helplessly as it effortlessly fits right through the tiny slot of the opening of the elevator. You hear the clunks as it makes its way to the bottom of the elevator, stopping with a major thump. You know it has landed and you know it is gone. And the door closes. Your heart drops, in that moment, gone is any hope of receiving that phone call, gone is the hope of making it, gone is the hope of the future you had planned together. Again that silence greets you.
You make your way to your hotel room after being told the phone cannot be retrieved for another 6 weeks, but you're leaving the country in three weeks. You leave your name and address with the hope that one day that phone will safely find its way to you. You write yourself to sleep that night, alone in your Hollywood hotel room. Thinking how different it would have been if he had called, no longer would you be alone. Silently screaming at yourself for being so stupid and letting go of that phone. For not calling when you had the chance, for waiting so long. For being so clumsy. For everything that you are, which today seems like a major mess of a human being. Now you’re alone, with nothing more than the distant sound of Leno’s laughter coming through the speakers of the TV, that too seems like it’s very far away, even though tonight it’s your only companion, and it will be for some time. The streets of Sunset Blvde are alive and buzzing, there’s so many people around, but out there - you are one. And you are alone. Loneliness is invading as you sit cross-legged on the soft queen size bed, on this bed; you feel so small, staring at the page of written words. The only thing in arms reach. words. You're again thinking of how special he was, how special your time together was, how perfectly you fitted. How loneliness didn’t stand a chance when you were together. How unique and incredible your connection was, yet .....it’s gone.
You had a plan But SO does GOD.
Sometimes we don’t understand it, but God does. He sees far beyond what anyone of us ever could. He sees things we couldn’t fathom in a million years. Maybe he steps in and confiscates that toy before it blows up in our hands and tears off our fingers and leaves us burnt and scarred. We see it as a beautiful toy; we don’t see the ticking bomb that has been placed inside this beautiful plastic creation, how could a toy be harmful? IT brings a child so much joy. But God knows what’s inside and he knows it's ticking.
Like a child cries when a parent takes that toy from his hand, we cry when God takes something from us.
If only the child knew ten years later he would grow up with burns and scars because the parent didn’t confiscate the toy when they should have. Their life would be much different to the one they live today, one riddled with burns and scars, covered in bandages, unable to breathe. Isolated. Sad. Angry.
The child played with the toy until it blew up, a few years of sheer pleasure and companionship, but now they have to face the rest of their life living with these scars and the burnt fingers. If only...... thinks the parent, if only they had taken that toy earlier on and let the child sit in their room alone.  They would have endured the pain of loneliness for a few days, weeks, years but eventually a new toy would have arrived, this one without a ticking bomb, this one perfectly shaped and carved and whole, this one yours to keep for as long as you like because there's nothing inside that 's going to explode and cause you damage.

And, THANK him, that he took away that toy that you brought you so much joy. Because  he knew it was a bomb waiting to explode and it was only a matter of time; but you didn't have a clue. Thank him, that he saved you from something you weren't even aware was dangerous.
Patience is the painful yet rewarding key to our destiny. Enjoy the journey, tackle the loneliness with hope, stand strong for that day is coming, the day the Lord has promised, the day that he will fulfill those aching desires of your heart. He hasn't forgotten. he knows.