Friends Are Precious

I would like to make a little tribute to all of those people who make life worth living.

The last year has by far been one of the most challenging, heartbreaking, refreshing, new and exciting years of my life. It was a journey of self discovery, finding out who I was, who I had become and who I wanted to be. Along the road, I found myself off track, lost in the woods, without a trail, without any knowledge on how to get back home.

I am blessed to have some great people in my life, who made standing so much more bearable when I wanted to stand no more. When I had lost myself, they reminded me of who I really was. When I had lost hope, they reminded me it was still there. Especially in the times, when a few people I thought I knew and trusted turned out to be completely different to the person I initially thought they were.
I thought they were dandelions but instead turned out to be weeds. Strangling the hope out of me. When I wanted to runaway from the world and tell it I want it no more. My friends - the true ones, not the few that I have left behind me, reminded me not all was bad in our universe. They loved me in such an indescribable way that it made every bad day livable.

So here's a little tribute to those to held my hand as I walked through the dark paths without a trail, left their judgement at the door when I crashed, wiped my tears and wept with me as I poured out the failures and disappointments of my life, and stayed up all night after night after night as I replayed the tiny, useless and intricate details of the past year to them. Never once silencing me. Never once turning the channel to them. Listening to the same tune each night, and not refusing to give up on me when I had given up on myself. Offering kind words of wisdom and support and managed to make me see the reasoning behind the madness, and time and time again jumped with joy as I came out of the darkness. 

I want you all to know you mean the world to me -  and, more than EVEN I could ever put into words. And as I walked a road I had not walked on before, you all came along for the journey, like true friends. YOU all cheered with me when I emerged from the dark forest, without shadows.  I may not have shown it in the past year, because I have been so self absorbed with these challenges, but even amongst it all, I was thanking GOD each night for you all. And to be honest, had it not been for you guys, I am not too sure I would be standing as strong as I am today or even standing at all.

Heartless

You wake up one day and you remember again, except this time, its not bittersweet, its just sweet, it’s a memory but not one that haunts you, it's now a distant memory, it's no longer the present, its now in the past.

It’s no longer a loss, a longing, a wanting,  its one that you remember and you can talk about and suddenly it doesn’t hurt anymore the pain is gone, the memory is here, but the pain no more, and it’s a good feeling, a great one, but the emptiness is just numbness, it doesn’t hurt, it doesn’t elevate, its just nothingnesss…stillness, it’s quiet and it’s boring and you want it back, the pain, the joy, something, anything but stillness...but you know you don’t need it back. And need is more important than want.Gone is the leap in my heart at the thought of you, , gone are the butterflies when I remember your smile, gone is my smile for you and the tear that followed, gone are the nervous jolts in my stomach when I remember your eyes looking into mine, and gone is the thorn in my side when I think of what you did,  it no longer hurts,my love for you, its gone too, it's dried up along with my tears, my heart no longer aches for you. I guess this is goodbye, I guess this is the end, and I am not so sure I want it to end, but I know it is the end. It's the end of us and the beginning of me.