Notes on Life

"Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99

• If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.
• Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

• Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

• Do one thing everyday that scares you

• Sing

• Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

• Floss

• Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

• Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

• Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

• Stretch, Go to Yoga and walk outdoors a few times a week,

• Stop to enjoy the sunshine

• Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

• Get plenty of calcium.

• Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

• Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

• Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

• Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

• Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

• Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

• Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

• Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

• Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

• Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

• Travel

• Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

• Respect your elders.

• Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

• Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

• Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…"

• -Baz Luhrman

Sweet Love - Reunited

I hadn't seen him, no, not since that day. Nor him, nor my heart.

Stop!!!! I shouted, running down the narrow hallway of my home, the sound of my own heels on the wooden floorboards echoing throughout the home, as I ran towards the man I loved. Not knowing whether those words would in fact actually stop him.

I reached him, I gently wrapped my arms around the back of his neck, kissing him gently. Pulling away, yet refusing to unravel my fingers from around his neck, not wanting to let go, not now, not...ever. Gazing into his beautiful eyes. Those eyes that always managed to capture me, now finally firmly fixed on me. Again.

Silence.

I pull away, I know I must refrain. But something within me cannot.

wait.... I say. Pulling him in close once again, my lips pressing against his for one final time. As I close my eyes and inhale this moment.

Now

I pull away - for good this time. My eyes no longer looking into his but now that big white door, positioned right behind him, waiting for his entrance or should we say exit.

leave. go. please. just go.

The door slams shut and he is gone. It is like he never has been here. The deep burning sensation inside my heart knows better.

I turn around to walk back to my bedroom, my knees weak, weak with the uncertainty and the unknown. Instead I slide down against that door, that same white door that has just closed behind him. My knees pulled in close to my chest, my arms clasped together, in the prayer position,  my fingers intertwined into each other, my head collapses on them. My brain foggy.

Part of me knew that would be the last I would see of him, another tiny part, thought maybe, just maybe, one day just like in the movies you will come back. Maybe you will drunk dial me, maybe you will throw rocks at my window, begging me for a place to sleep. Maybe you will remember this / us and want it again and maybe you will be brave enough to come after me.

BUT...20 months passed and I didn't hear a word. Nothing.Silence. I had dismissed you from my mind. I didnt even know you existed on this earth anymore. I was done.sort.of. In the forefront of my mind at least.

We (whatever 'we' meant) was done. Done before it had even begun really.

And then it happened.

Silence

Our bodies stand still, our eyes are the only things moving, flickering.

Silence

He waits, patiently, coffee in hand, oblivous to anyone else around, anyone but this woman he is gazing at, eyes burning right at her, her, now walking towards him, sure of her presence, sure of her
Just like a groom...
except
he is not my bridegroom and I am not his bride, this is not an aisle,it is a public coffee shop
He is someone I once knew and
Me, well..... I am someone he wants to forget
But we come face to face, we stand still
our eyes remain locked, fixed on one another.

Silence

I know something in that moment,
I know everything i had ever thought, felt and written about him, about us, about this
It had not been imagined. It was real, it still....is.
The past hits me like a flash of lightening, jolting right through me, awakening every part of me,
Every pore, every bone, every vein, filled with indescribable light,
from the tips of my head to the soles of my feet, I am alive
We stand facing one another
As I gaze into his eyes, I find myself drifting, falling into a dreamlike state of mind, knowing so much time has passed, i have grown,
he has grown, he has moved on, but between us....here, now, two years later,
the same light still remains.and probably always will.
safely packaged away for no one to touch.
not even him,
not even I.

Photo Credit: Unknown

A Vision, A Dream

I was sitting on the train this evening when a song started playing through my headphones. The lyrics took me back to a happier time in my life. A time in my life, when I was sailing smoothly towards the shore that held my dream, the sun was out, the sky was blue, it was perfect indeed. And, most importantly, I was happy, very happy. As I listened to the lyrics over and over again, I was transported back there, and ...I was once again filled with joy.

I realised something in that moment, I have been very unhappy of late, and this is because…

I had forgotten about my dream.

Actually all of my dreams.

Why?

One too many failures and you want to give up. You think, if it hasn't happened now, it won't ever happen, it's too late, I'm too old, I'm not good enough.

I have put myself out there and hit the ground flat faced, not once, but many times.

Why not give up?

Around me, people are living their dreams and I think 'God, maybe this dream, this isn't for me, maybe I am not meant to be there, because if I was, I would surely be there by now. Surely if it was meant to happen it would have happened by now. People half my age are at the peak of their career, they have the perfect home, car, family. And here I am, striving and crying after yet another failure.

Asking why not me?

This was me. Today.and, everyday for the past two years.

Until that song took me back and reminded me WHY I must keep fighting, and why it makes me so happy to be in that dream place,

It reminded me that despite the failures I must push on. Because, because that dream, that place, it’s my happy place and it’s where I LONG to be.

As I sit here now, I am writing this to remind myself each day to look at that dream and pray over it and, keep working harder and harder towards it. Nothing happens over night and most importantly, it doesn’t happen without hard work.

I am going to daily proclaim if over my life. See myself living it. I am NOT going to stop dreaming.

If something brings us great joy, whatever that is, be it relationships, job, whatever, it is that your beautiful heart desires, it desires it for reason. And, you should have it. If you want it bad enough, you will keep fighting for it. And, if you don't give up, you will see it come to pass. Trust me, you will.

And, if it's a heart desire, God too has placed that there, and he wants you to have it at, just the right time and, you may feel like that is now, but remember timing is everything and sometimes we have no idea how much we are growing and equipping ourselves RIGHT NOW, in this season for what’s to come.

what's important is to be happy in journey, because there will never be another time like this. You will never be this young again, you will never have this day, this year, this moment back again. So enjoy the now, all whilst....holding that dream each day, keeping it alive, imagine it, see it coming to life, because without a dream and hope in our heart we are as good as dead. We cant give up on it just because it hasnt happpened yet or we have failed time and time and time again, how many times did Abraham Lincoln fail?

What about Walt Disney?

Barrack Obama was told to stick to lecturing...

Imagine it ..go after it..and do this

until the day comes when you will see that dream come out of your imagination and spring to life.

It's possible. I've seen the impossible become possible many times in my own life, and if these things have happened in my past and to me, they can happen to you too. I was a hopeless cause.

And, they IF I have come where I am today,  you can too. And, I need not stop here.

Keep that dream alive. Don't lose heart.

Here's what I think:

You've been through hell, you've cried your eyes out night, after night

If you've accomplished and survived all this, you can accomplish and survive anything.

Especially with gods army

Nothing will be impossible

No mountain to high

No river too deep

You will survive and in Abundance

and most importantly - why not you? You want it don't you? You're prepared to work for it? Go for it. DREAM BIG!

DON'T STOP! PLEASE DON'T STOP DREAMING!