I hadn't seen him, no, not since that day. Nor him, nor my heart.
Stop!!!! I shouted, running down the narrow hallway of my home, the sound of my own heels on the wooden floorboards echoing throughout the home, as I ran towards the man I loved. Not knowing whether those words would in fact actually stop him.
I reached him, I gently wrapped my arms around the back of his neck, kissing him gently. Pulling away, yet refusing to unravel my fingers from around his neck, not wanting to let go, not now, not...ever. Gazing into his beautiful eyes. Those eyes that always managed to capture me, now finally firmly fixed on me. Again.
Silence.
I pull away, I know I must refrain. But something within me cannot.
wait.... I say. Pulling him in close once again, my lips pressing against his for one final time. As I close my eyes and inhale this moment.
Now
I pull away - for good this time. My eyes no longer looking into his but now that big white door, positioned right behind him, waiting for his entrance or should we say exit.
leave. go. please. just go.
The door slams shut and he is gone. It is like he never has been here. The deep burning sensation inside my heart knows better.
I turn around to walk back to my bedroom, my knees weak, weak with the uncertainty and the unknown. Instead I slide down against that door, that same white door that has just closed behind him. My knees pulled in close to my chest, my arms clasped together, in the prayer position, my fingers intertwined into each other, my head collapses on them. My brain foggy.
Part of me knew that would be the last I would see of him, another tiny part, thought maybe, just maybe, one day just like in the movies you will come back. Maybe you will drunk dial me, maybe you will throw rocks at my window, begging me for a place to sleep. Maybe you will remember this / us and want it again and maybe you will be brave enough to come after me.
BUT...20 months passed and I didn't hear a word. Nothing.Silence. I had dismissed you from my mind. I didnt even know you existed on this earth anymore. I was done.sort.of. In the forefront of my mind at least.
We (whatever 'we' meant) was done. Done before it had even begun really.
And then it happened.
Silence
Our bodies stand still, our eyes are the only things moving, flickering.
Silence
He waits, patiently, coffee in hand, oblivous to anyone else around, anyone but this woman he is gazing at, eyes burning right at her, her, now walking towards him, sure of her presence, sure of her
Just like a groom...
except
he is not my bridegroom and I am not his bride, this is not an aisle,it is a public coffee shop
He is someone I once knew and
Me, well..... I am someone he wants to forget
But we come face to face, we stand still
our eyes remain locked, fixed on one another.
Silence
I know something in that moment,
I know everything i had ever thought, felt and written about him, about us, about this
It had not been imagined. It was real, it still....is.
The past hits me like a flash of lightening, jolting right through me, awakening every part of me,
Every pore, every bone, every vein, filled with indescribable light,
from the tips of my head to the soles of my feet, I am alive
We stand facing one another
As I gaze into his eyes, I find myself drifting, falling into a dreamlike state of mind, knowing so much time has passed, i have grown,
he has grown, he has moved on, but between us....here, now, two years later,
the same light still remains.and probably always will.
safely packaged away for no one to touch.
not even him,
not even I.
Photo Credit: Unknown
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