Tick Tock Tick Tock

 

Time - it has a way of constantly moving forward - even when we don't want it to. Even when we're not ready for it's hand to strike the next number, it does. It doesn't wait for anyone, not for you and certainly not for me.

It forces us to grow up. It forces us into a life we are not one hundred percent sure we really want.

I woke up this morning and strangely found my soul longing for a time long gone. A time when I was just a young adolescent. Free from the pressures of life, responsibility and finance. Anchored in security. Because there's a certain type of security that comes with being a 13 year old, a consistency that feels like home. 

You wake up everyday to spend 6 hours with your bestfriends - you catch the same bus that does the same route morning and night with the same bus driver. Your friends get on and off at the same stops. Your friends are steadfast, your timetable secure, life for the next six years is bliss. It's stable, secure and filled to the brim with steadfast love.

Fast forward ten years, you have rent to pay, marriage to secure before a certain age, time to have children - because that biological click is ticking, a failing economy - job instability, debt, friends moving away, last minute let downs and cancellations - because now everyone has their own timetable and their own life - and they dont have to be at school by the ring of the bell and you don't all meet at 8-11-1-3pm everyday. And, your parents are aging and you know no one lives forever, your siblings have moved out of home and you miss them. No more watching movies and eating dinner by the fire - all together, as one.  Nothing is the same anymore. 

Suddenly you feel so lost - lost and alone and like you're losing your grasp on reality and time and nothing is secure or fulfilling or worth it. Not even your partner, because really, they too aren't really yours and marriage vows to most these days are forever  changing and you can wake up one day to find that he has skipped the country with his / her assistant. It's frightening. It's lonely - its unstable. You are always longing, longing for a time, a time when everything was pure, perfect and secure. A time when life was planned out for you and all you had to do was turn up. I miss my past. I miss my old life. It's now A time long gone.