Take me Away

'The man to your left, wearing the blue pinstriped suit, mid fifties sitting next to the woman in the black Chanel dress, lovers or friends?' He whispers gently. Looking me in the eyes, forefinger and thumb twirling the stem of the extra large wine glass. 

A Chanel dress? How do you know that's Chanel?   -   I ask. Looking him in the eye, my hands clasped together before me.

'My mother owns one, plus you can see the tiny CC engraved on the buttons, there can you see them? Look carefully? Can you see them?' he asks

'No!!!' I shake my head and slightly roll my eyes - I cannot'.

'Blind, you're seriously blind'
'How can you NOT see that?'
You should consider buying glasses, actually you'd look quite cute in them' he smirks

 'me?' 'cute?'
'REALLY cute is all you could come up with? I feel flattered I say, placing my hands over my chest'.

'Ok fine, you would look um err nice'. He adds

'Nice, wow, just stop now before you insult me further' I say 

'this isn't an insult' he adds.

'It's a compliment? i ask

'Indeed'

'Are you serious, you can't see her buttons?' He asks and again, he always knows what to say and when to say it. 

'NO!!' I say, as i take a sip out of my wine glass, seeing the liquid reach the bottom slowly

'refill?' he asks

'I don't like to get drunk' I say

 'You won't get drunk' he answers. 'Two glasses isn't exactly considered binge drinking'

 'And then i want three' I say

 'and so? What's the big deal? Have three? Have four even?'

'Have a whole bottle?'
'Here I will go and get us a bottle, I want to see you free and not caught up in your own thoughts about things you cannot change, just for one moment Suzi'

'I can't because if i get drunk then who will make sure everything is looked after and...'

PLEASE FOR ME...he looks at me with those puppy dog eyes of his.

 'Now the suit?' He continues - 'dress?' I correct him

Within minutes I have downed my second glass of wine and i am in a debate with him over whether the dress is Chanel or not, instead of the original question of whether they are lovers or friends. I am laughing so much and enjoying this moment, that I suddenly remember, I can't remember the last time I had a moment like this. I can't remember in my entire life on this planet from the age of 6, a moment when I didn't check my phone for a whole two hours. 
My mind hadn't been still in ...forever. . Maybe I am more of a control freak than i like to let on. But here, now, I can think about nothing else but this darn Chanel suit and, l, me I am having the most amazing time of my life. This man, this gorgeous wonderful man sitting here beside me has managed to do what NO ONE else has succeeded in before, no man, no woman has succeeded in taking me away from my neurotic overactive mind.

'Now drink and look at that couple and tell me what you think? Mistress or wife? Quick...tell me your thoughts and why you came up with that conclusion and I will tell you mine'.

And I am me again. 5 year old me. Careless me. I am laughing.  I sip the second glass of wine very slowly, I am too distracted by the conversation to worry about the wine or anything else around me. I am happy. Happy for the first time in longer than I can actually remember. Happy. I am.

You always knew how to interrupt my thoughts and make me smile.and that's why I miss you.
I don't want a partner because I want to have someone to lay reading books in bed with, not because i want you here when i wake up and feel the security of another being next to me. Not because I want someone to buy me Tiffany and Chanel, not even to feel soft tender kisses on my lips, not even those precious arms to wrap around me and make me feel loved. I don't want to feel loved, I want to be with you...because your soul brings me so much joy. That beautiful, sensitive, humourous soul of yours. Just you being here, helps me escape reality. Your presence propels me into a universe where everything is suddenly ok. and I am fine. Something no amount of prescription pills has ever been able to do. Those sarcastic remarks you know how to make at the right time, they make me feel alive.

And....... 

Why can't you be here with me now?  When my world is crumbling and my own voice is echoing through my corridors of my empty home, bouncing off walls and hitting me where it hurts, reminding me that I am all I have got, reminding me that I am alone. Alone the one time in my life I don't want to be. Alone the one time in my life, I shouldn't be.

There is no other reason but simply this and I think this is enough. 

Wherever you are, whoever you're with should realise how blessed they are, because they are spending this very moment, this moment in time that won't ever be repeated again, they are spending it with you. And that my long lost friend is the most beautiful thing I could think of right now.