Poison&Wine

I sat at my local cafe this morning, pushing the food around on my plate, unable to eat. Unable to move. Unable to think beyond the cloud of darkness that had descended upon my world - yet again.

I had been doing this for the past thirty minutes, when the man next to me must have noticed this girl sitting in the big green jumper, stained make up and leggings, struggling with her meal.

 It was like he instantly knew something was not right. We were sharing a table and he could probably feel the sighs each time I went to try and eat and would put the spoon down instead - defeated.

'How is your day?' he said 

'Not good' I replied. 

'Ahh it's expected, it's been raining' he said

'True', I said, 'although it's been raining for a while in my world'

I don't know why i felt like sharing that with a complete stranger who was just trying to have his breakfast and make light conversation. But I figured he could see there was nothing light about me this morning. So he probably knew the answer he was going to get even before he asked the question.

'I am going home to try some baking - I have never baked before' he said.

'Oh nice' I replied. 

'Do you cook' he asked?

'I try' I said, when I can be bothered, which isn't always. 

'This juice tastes awful' he said 'I think I will go home and try that cooking'

Well try and have a nice day he said and left.

There was something precious about that moment. Maybe it was the fact that a random  stranger who does not know me could see the pain and strain behind my tear stained eyes and he thought, what can i say to take this girl out of her mind, even just for a second. He spoke about cooking, but somehow it was enough to break me out of my state of self loathe and think about something else for a minute. Cooking.....

We never realise the impact our words have on other people. I wish that I had the courage to speak to a stranger like this man did to me. He didn't ask why I wasn't able to eat my meal, nor did he ask why it had been raining for so long in my world, he simply spoke about cooking and somehow that seemed to be enough.

He cheered me up and suddenly i felt connected to this world again, I didn't feel alone, in a cafe with couples and families everywhere, wondering why I had chosen to sit here alone, 

even if just for a moment, someone had connected with me. And for the rest of my meal, I sat there with a smile on my face, treasuring that very moment, I had a connection with a complete stranger.