Pushing Forward

GOD is real and he is going to give you the desires of your heart - The question is ....

Do YOU believe it?

yes moments like today, i wanted to sit in a bath and just drown away my sorrows and just not  move and lay in regret and say life sucks because the reality of my situation right now is that it does suck. 

I have been miserable longer than anyone my age should, 

I have cried enough tears to fill every bath tub in this country

I have been more patient than I have wanted to, 

I  have sacrificed more than I would have liked

I have the right to say i give in, 

I give up... because things are definitely not rosey. 

But I choose to believe for a better tomorrow. 

I could look and say this time last year

I cried this very same tear. I could say that nothing has changed. 

BUT I look around at those who have come from darkness to light and are now living their God Given dream, and a glimmer of hope rises up inside me

I hear the word and more hope is born

Instead of destroying myself with alcohol and painkillers
...i put my faith in god, wait, and make it happen, one day at a time.

I take one small step a day, walking towards that dream

and with each step I get closer, I draw nearer

I can't see it, but I know the steps are taking me to my destination

I will get there and I will look back on this and say 

I did it GOD, I made it, and I am your prized possession, all these years, I got through, 

I woke up when I didn't want to 

I worked hard when all I wanted to do way lay in bed, 

I went and took that photo when my heart was breaking and it it wanted to do was bleed, 

I didn't give in when I had every right to, every reason to

I didn't swollow that drug and embark on a journey of numbness when it called my name night after night, asking me to come in, and escape, instead i felt the pain, through my heart, in my veins, and thumping in my brain.

Even though I lay there, still and unable to move, I pressed in, I believed, I hoped, I told myself, this is worth the pain, I didn't see the future, I didn't even see a ray of light at the end of this tunnel and at times I still don't see it, but somewhere I believe it is there because GOD says it is and he has proved himself more than faithful.

And FAITH alone pleases GOD more than anything else.

I will one day say this, 

I will say -  I got up and pushed through, and felt the pain even when I didn't feel like it and

now I look up to the heavens and say 

God - I did it. I arrived. Together we survived.