I talk an awful lot, when I am not talking, my mind is talking. My mouth may not be moving but thoughts are churning through my brain at a million per second. I can't even count the number of thoughts that pass through my mind daily. There's plans, ideas, thoughts, everything I do whether it be drink a tea or water, is evaluated in this brain of mine.
I met someone a few months ago who managed to get me to be still for a whole four hours - give or take an hour or two - I wasn't exactly counting. or maybe longer. Like I said - I wasn't counting. My brain wasn't moving.I wasn't thinking.
By be still - I mean, not speaking, brain not moving, thoughts not going through my head, pure stillness. I even managed to fall asleep without medication for a whole hour (approximates here)- i do not sleep without some form of sedative, be it natural - be it chemical. Those thoughts do NOT leave me alone for even a moment. I didn't realise it at the time. My mind was still for the first time ever - well let's be real, since longer than I can actually remember. I had no thoughts.
By be still - I mean, not speaking, brain not moving, thoughts not going through my head, pure stillness. I even managed to fall asleep without medication for a whole hour (approximates here)- i do not sleep without some form of sedative, be it natural - be it chemical. Those thoughts do NOT leave me alone for even a moment. I didn't realise it at the time. My mind was still for the first time ever - well let's be real, since longer than I can actually remember. I had no thoughts.
And that I kind of enjoyed - the stillness. Entering an unknown land without waving my caution flag around? I didn't think about what I was doing there, why I was there? Why I had put my guard down and allowed myself to walk into this persons world as brief as it was - I usually don't leave my own tower - but somehow this evening I ventured beyond the confines of my dark walls and it wasn't deliberate, I didn't plan it, and I didn't know it, until I looked around and suddenly I was in unfamiliar territory. And that can be dangerous but surprisingly there was something that I liked about the unknown land.
Why had this person had managed to captivate me? How and why did I end up here? Interesting questions, I now ask myself. Again, those thoughts. I am surprised it managed to stir something within me, which is great, because I tend to live life quite numb to reality and especially other humans, but not this one. Strange that. There's always one that slips through the cracks. The one minute you are not paying attention....you find yourself captivated and by then, it's too late. The thoughts have formed and you're trying to stop them, but you can't. Especially if you are as insanely senstive as I am. I can't just leave things where i found them. This time, I must. again.
Why had this person had managed to captivate me? How and why did I end up here? Interesting questions, I now ask myself. Again, those thoughts. I am surprised it managed to stir something within me, which is great, because I tend to live life quite numb to reality and especially other humans, but not this one. Strange that. There's always one that slips through the cracks. The one minute you are not paying attention....you find yourself captivated and by then, it's too late. The thoughts have formed and you're trying to stop them, but you can't. Especially if you are as insanely senstive as I am. I can't just leave things where i found them. This time, I must. again.
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