Everything I Desire...

I shut it out, I lock it out, I pretend it's not there

Pretending is my shield, my armour, my strength

The stage is my domain, from reality I refrain

I look, i walk, head held high, eyes wide shut to what lays in front

I refuse to look, to see, to acknowledge so I pretend

shall I stop, shall I pause, shall the curtain fall, shall I I take my bow and the performance end

shall i gain the courage to open my eyes to what lays before me and allow myself to feel

I fear, I fear it will engulf me, swollow me up, paralyse my mind, heart and soul

Torture me, encapsulate me, consume me and maybe even tear me ......to tiny shreds once again

Put together to be pulled apart, for no greater risk is that than that of losing oneself to another

I fear this very thing, so I continue on pretending, keep up the act, head held high in complete oblivion

I fear i fear i fear yet the very thing I fear I fear I have

already become

numb.