So today I had lunch with the gorgeous Roza. I told her about my second imaginary boyfriend -
(listen when you are my age and have been single for ten years- you need to invent magic in your mind to stay alive - so until I meet someone that makes my heart miss a beat and I actually want to kiss them instead of admire them from miles away or through a TV screen- I will continue living in this fantasy world where i embark on these relationships with realistic yet imaginary people).
Like for instance anyone that crosses my path, they are in real human form, but never anyone I would really actually realistically date or not run a mile had they ever spoken to me. Do men make me awkward? yes - very. End of discussion. They say I am a dreamer, perhaps. Perhaps the fairytale does exist. I hope to one day know.
(listen when you are my age and have been single for ten years- you need to invent magic in your mind to stay alive - so until I meet someone that makes my heart miss a beat and I actually want to kiss them instead of admire them from miles away or through a TV screen- I will continue living in this fantasy world where i embark on these relationships with realistic yet imaginary people).
Like for instance anyone that crosses my path, they are in real human form, but never anyone I would really actually realistically date or not run a mile had they ever spoken to me. Do men make me awkward? yes - very. End of discussion. They say I am a dreamer, perhaps. Perhaps the fairytale does exist. I hope to one day know.
Anyway, an example of this ludicrousy would be... the butcher, the milkman, the tailor, the neighbour, the Batista and whoever else I may meet and may feel like is a suitable candidate but of course will not talk to - because well...life is much easier when it exists in your head, they're real, they exist, but the relationship between you both just doesn't leave the perimeters of your mind...its a nice world and besides you can shut that shit down whenever you like and not bleed anytime you like. Am I starting to sound crazy yet?
So here it is, we are walking past the tailor and I tell Rosie how we exchange looks, yep this one actually looks at me - as opposed to the neighbour whom I coincidentally walk past each day and he sits at his window, blissfully unaware of my presence. I actually wonder if he works, or what he does, I walk past all hours of the night - NOT INTENTIONALLY - his apartment is next door, it's kinda inevitable, looking however is a choice, and he is always sitting at his computer. 8am, 2am, 11am, 6pm.
Back to the Tailor, I shot him a look as i started my descent down the escalators yesterday, whilst trying to be seductive and sipping on my coffee. I tripped because I was too busy staring at him instead of what I should have been staring at - the steps in front of me - I missed the first step of the escalators and almost took a tumble and that saucy straw almost ended up down my throat.....not in a seductive way at all. Fail. He looked back, he always does, quite puzzled.
Back to the Tailor, I shot him a look as i started my descent down the escalators yesterday, whilst trying to be seductive and sipping on my coffee. I tripped because I was too busy staring at him instead of what I should have been staring at - the steps in front of me - I missed the first step of the escalators and almost took a tumble and that saucy straw almost ended up down my throat.....not in a seductive way at all. Fail. He looked back, he always does, quite puzzled.
Roza and the Tailor - share the same coffee shop. She decided to drop the crush info.
Roza: (Batista - she said his name - I didn't pay attention) Meet my friend Suzi, she has a crush on one of your customers.
Suzi: Hi, nice to meet you sir, umm so that tailor dude, does he swing my way or yours? Roza insists he is gay, I said she's just jealous because we have a relationship that consists of exchanging looks. Or perhaps I just look at him and he looks back confused and thinks - what are you looking at? Seriously, actually come to think of it, he looks at me like he wants to stab me---(I start ranting the Barista looks concerned).
Barista; Your way actually. - He's not gay.
Suzi: I told you Roza!! I told you!!
So we walk past the tailor on our way out and i am determined to show Roza the amazing 'exchanging looks' relationship that we have. I say watch he is going to look my way. We walk and I stop out the front of his store, and stomp my feet really loudly, it took about three stops before he looked up...and then...he looked up, puzzled and back to his suits again.
Roza: Covers her mouth with her hands, squeals.humiliated. and races ten steps ahead of me!!
I am so embarrassed. I cannot believe you did that. How will I ever look at him in the coffee line again!! You are not normal!! This is not normal.
I am so embarrassed. I cannot believe you did that. How will I ever look at him in the coffee line again!! You are not normal!! This is not normal.
Suzi: Butttttt......Rose, he looked at me and that is what I was trying to prove to you that he looks at me.
Rose: Because you stood outside his shop stomping your feet like a horse!! He had to look up and see where the noise was coming from.
fail number two.
And that my friends is my non existent love life. It consists of fictional characters. I really do wish i would actually speak to these men and maybe fall in love with them, but no, its much safer to hide behind the confines of my insane mind.
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